tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-106497862011-07-07T16:05:36.967-04:00I have PCOS and cannot ovulate on my own. After 3 years of trying different treatments and recipes, suffering a miscarriage and doing 2 IUI, we are the proud parents of a beautiful boy born in January, 2006. We were blessed again with another boy born in March 2008.Kiwinoreply@blogger.comBlogger1631100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-79141470689529089942010-03-15T14:41:00.000-04:002010-03-15T14:41:04.861-04:00

So many things have happened in ther last year and a half. I'm not sure how to sum it all up, but I'll try. Laurent is turning TWO today. I still can't believe it. I still see him as my little chunky baby. Well, he is still quite chuby and has the softest blond hair. But he talks a lot, does a lot of stuff just like his big brother (I'm sure all little brothers like ti imitate their older

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-67732485839719527282008-07-02T15:28:00.004-04:002008-07-02T16:16:46.538-04:00

Oh wow, has it already been 3 months?I've been meaning to update for quite a while, but days turn into weeks and into months...I have come to a decision lately. I had been thinking about it for a long. Since Félix was born actually. I am a graphic designer, been self-employed (and doing well) for over 8 years now. When Félix was born, I took 5 weeks off work. Then I had to go back to work (at my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-42008284485131200502008-03-28T10:45:00.001-04:002008-03-28T22:46:39.463-04:00

Last time I was here, I was wondering if my body would be failing me once again and if I would need to be induced, once again. It was with no suprise that my dr told me, on March 11, that everything was still firm and closed. He told me he would let me go past 41 weeks, but we would need to consider induction on the 19th. I was disappointed, but ok with the idea. I would meet my son soon,

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-32893853247204983052008-03-10T09:19:00.004-04:002008-03-10T09:53:50.571-04:00

... and still very pregnant.I can't blame baby2 for wanting to stay inside, what with the awful weather we're having and all. But man, am I impatient to meet him!Based on my last period, my EDD is March 11. Based on the u/s, it was moved to the 6th. But my dr uses the latest one, so for him, I'm not even late yet. Not that it matters a lot, but when you have a date in mind for many months and you

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-35035640636327113912008-01-24T12:43:00.000-05:002008-01-24T13:10:19.285-05:00

I remember when I used to come here often and write about my feelings. I remember when I was a (very small) part of this virtual community. I remember when I was infertile and longing to have a child. I also remember how, back in those days, I would read only blogs about infertility and/or adoption. My life was infertility.But today, I am miles away from the girl who started this blog 3 years ago

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-50261032914296679312007-08-31T12:41:00.000-04:002007-08-31T13:01:30.718-04:00

The last two months have been spent either sleeping, playing with Félix while trying not to fall asleep or in vacations. But yay, first trimester is almost over! Let the fun begin!I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks to see if there was more than one in there. I felt there was only one, P. thought there were two.I was right:I must say it was a relief to see only one, but even more to see its little

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-71520849259478544942007-07-09T14:51:00.000-04:002007-07-09T15:08:14.135-04:00

The results are in.At 16 dpo, my beta was 405.At 18 dpo, it was 745.Whew!With Félix, at 20 dpo, my beta was 263. So I think I can say I'm. Pregnant. Me. Again. Wo.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-87670255832630444552007-07-03T16:25:00.001-04:002007-07-03T16:34:43.958-04:00

When we went back on the injectible road, I never thought it would work quickly. I never thought one cycle would be enough. I saw myself going through cycle after cycle, every time getting a little bit more frustrated and imaptient. I never dreamed I would get pregnant with baby #2 after only 7 cycles.I tested every morning after the trigger shot, to see it leave my body and make sure that when I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-74280429117231076252007-06-14T13:43:00.000-04:002007-06-14T13:58:46.561-04:00

Today, I turn 30. I had a hard time with this, with the fact that my youth was about to end. I felt old. I remember when I was 18 how I would think 30 year olds were boring and how old they looked to me.But today, I don't feel old. I don't feel boring and most of all, I don't feel 30.I had a folicle scan last Tuesday. I was so afraid my doc was going to tell me once again that the meds didn't

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-62191956525691112292007-06-06T20:00:00.000-04:002007-06-06T20:49:57.979-04:00

I got my period last Saturday. I was waiting for it, expecting it, anxious to start a new cycle with a possibility of an ovulation this time. I called my dr's office and they told me what the new plan is.I started Serophene on CD3 Monday and I have to take it til CD8. They added one more day, much to P's delight. Bring on the hot flashes and crankiness! I also have to inject 100ui of Gonal-f

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-39229184953442337522007-05-15T16:13:00.000-04:002007-05-15T16:31:07.102-04:00

After 10 days of Megestrol and 7 days of waiting, my period finally came. I then started taking Serophene, 150mg this time. I had my scan last Friday. When I entered the office, my dr asked me if I thought it had worked. He was a little surprised when I told him no. It was true though, I didn't believe in Serophene, for me, in the first place. It has never worked for me, why would it start to

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-67624907774307974202007-05-04T12:53:00.000-04:002007-05-04T13:20:55.119-04:00

P went to a grastrointestinal specialist last week. He has always been very "sensitive" in that area. We always thought he had an irritable colon. He watched closely what he ate and was able to control it. But he dreamed of a day where he could eat anything... Then, about 3 years ago, he was so sick and it hurt so bad that we went to the emergency. The dr there didn't know what was wrong, but

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-83966598918854067452007-04-13T20:41:00.000-04:002007-04-13T20:49:00.362-04:00

I'd been thinking about my appointment for days. I wasn't expecting anything, but still had a little hope things might have changed. Serophene had never worked on me, I did not see why it would be different now... but maybe...I wish I could say I was wrong, but no. It didn't work. I had tons of small folicles, but none big enough to even dare to hope I would ovulate this month. As I told my dr, I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-38081268518089510302007-04-11T10:15:00.000-04:002007-04-11T10:37:48.773-04:00

Last I came here, I was talking about being back in the game soon. Well, I am now back for good. I nursed my son for the last time on March 4th. Breastfeeding was hard at first, but it was always gratifying and enpowering. I am so very proud that our adventure lasted over 13 months, even though I would have liked to go on much longer, if only I would have ovulated like a normal woman does. I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-63260847505905298092007-02-21T07:56:00.000-05:002007-02-21T10:30:59.883-05:00

Soon, I'll be back in the game. I've been thinking about baby #2 for a long time, since before my son was even born. I wondered a lot about when and how and if... I knew that if we wanted another child, I would have to wean Félix because fertility treatments and breastfeeding don't mix. So I waited, because I just couldn't give up the wonderful thing that is breastfeeding.He drank my milk, and my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-60319164287123692082007-01-29T13:51:00.000-05:002007-01-29T22:28:41.499-05:00

My son turned one year old yesterday. I wish I could find words strong enough to express everything I feel for him, for my new life, for our family. But words always seem too weak, to vague. I write, then read and erase what I wrote because it doesn't match the strength of my feelings.One year ago, Felix came into our lives. We stopped being two and became a family. I became a mother and I now

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-65862927817240774572006-12-06T21:03:00.000-05:002006-12-07T09:20:03.721-05:00

Two years ago, my first pregnancy came to an end at only five weeks. Two years ago, my whole wolrd colapsed. I thought I would never be happy again. I thought I would never be a mother. I thought life was insanely unfair to me and I was so angry it hurt.Two years ago, I never ever thought I would be here today, sitting in my rocking chair, looking at my son sleeping on my lap and feeling so happy

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-86626988639385398722006-10-06T14:19:00.000-04:002006-10-06T15:06:36.086-04:00

I've been wondering a lot if I should stop blogging. Well, I did kinda stop blogging... Since my son was born, more than 8 months ago, I haven't been a real good blogger. I played the new mom card a lot, but there's more than that to my absence. I've been blogging in my French blog a lot, so why not here? Why couldn't I just translate my posts and publish them here too?When I started my blog back

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-19911742386689004502006-08-30T21:57:00.000-04:002006-08-30T21:40:22.695-04:00

I try not to think about it, I try to be reasonable and patient. I try, but I don't succeed. I want another baby. There's a battle inside of me because I cannot simply say "let's have another baby" and do it. For me, wanting another baby would mean start on the fertility meds again. And for that, I need to wean my son. For "normal" people, wanting a second child is a big decision, but after

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-16850083889117634402006-08-30T21:40:00.000-04:002006-08-30T21:57:18.407-04:00

As infertiles, or ex-infertiles, we all know about the evil fertile SIL. Every infertile has a fertile SIL, it's the law, right?Well, I have two.Back in June, my BIL (P's brother) calls us and tells P they're expecting. Like that, out of nowhere. Of course, it was an accident. But they're happy. I later chat with my SIL. I ask her what her EDD is. When she tells me, I notice she's only 4 weeks

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1154744742022388962006-08-04T22:06:00.000-04:002006-08-04T22:25:42.090-04:00

After reading Ally's post, Kristin's post and Kateri's post, I want to show you my nursing picture. Because it's beautiful. Because it's a powerful thing, to feed your baby with your body. And because we need to show these. I love breastfeeding. I never thought it would become so important to me. I never thought I would feel so strongly about it. I tell you, it's powerful. First time

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1154450707074930932006-08-01T12:24:00.000-04:002006-08-01T12:45:07.126-04:00

Let's try and make up for the lack of posting. I started translating my posts from my French blog, but until it's all done, here are some news...Félix turned 6 months last week, already! He is getting very big and tall. He can now sit by himself without falling flat on his nose. He has 3 teeth now. He laughs a LOT (as you can see in my last post) and my heart melts every time. For that sound

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1154138764416887792006-07-28T21:45:00.000-04:002006-07-28T22:06:04.443-04:00

Because showing you a video of Félix laughing totally makes up for being such a lame blogger. Ahem.My boy is 6 months old today. I wish I could find the words to say how much I love him and how happy I am. I've been unhappy many times in my life. I've often looked for my true self and for where I belonged, without really finding. Now I know where I belong and who I am.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1150318053729462292006-06-14T16:34:00.000-04:002006-06-14T16:47:33.750-04:00

Today, I feel old. Physically, I am no different than yesterday. But today, I aged a year. Today, I turned 29. My last year as a twenty-something. I don't feel 29, I don't think I look 29. But I can't escape it.I don't think 29 is old. At least, not when other people say they're 29. I just don't like thinking that next year, I'll be 30... It seems like a huge step and I don't feel like I'm ready.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1149616359749623932006-06-06T11:41:00.000-04:002006-06-06T16:35:35.516-04:00

Remember my friend Paty, who was pregnant and told me she "didn't have the time" to tell me? After the emails, I sent her cards. She answered with more bs. I didn't write back. I knew she told me about her pregnancy just because my shower was coming up. If she hadn't been invited to the shower, I'm pretty sure I would have known about her pregnancy much later.Or never.She never called or wrote

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1149217496364401572006-06-01T22:31:00.000-04:002006-06-01T23:04:56.393-04:00

Yes, I know, I am a really lame blogger! I don't know how many times I can play the newborn card, but man! times does fly by when you have a little baby boy in your life! Not to make excuses or anything, since some of you sneaky gals (hi Dooney!) know that I upload my French blog quite often. But with Félix, work that has been crazy (my semi-annual contract is going on now), the sun that is

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1147633247752926242006-05-14T14:41:00.000-04:002006-05-14T15:00:47.803-04:00

Mother's Day is painful when all you long for is to become a mother. I know today is a very hard day for those who are still trying to have a baby. I know it's the kind of day where you just want to roll up in a ball in bed, away from all the publicity and reminders about motherhood and all its glory. I know because I used to be there. This year is different. I am now a mother, it is now my day.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1145649439693021402006-04-17T15:31:00.001-04:002006-04-21T16:14:57.606-04:00

One year ago I started my last cycle, the one that would give us Félix. One year ago, I was very depressed, I had no hope and no strength left. I had a real hard time picking myself up after each failed cycle. I was still trying, because I wanted to be doing 'something' until I would have my laparoscopy and ovarian drilling. That's what kept me going. There was still something we hadn't tried.One

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1144868101686263042006-04-12T14:52:00.000-04:002006-05-17T13:31:15.280-04:00

Between when I stopped the pill and Félix...41 months70 Provera pills45 Serophen pills1800 Metformin pills100 Femara pills2615 iu of gonadotropin in28 injections6 injections of hcg11 different recipes10 ovulations31 negatives9 ovulation ultrasounds2 artificial inseminations1 hysterosonogram2 pregnancies1 miscarriage1 most wonderful baby0 regret

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1144708718673301902006-04-11T12:24:00.000-04:002006-04-11T13:12:18.276-04:00

Two weeks ago, I had some bleeding. I thought my period was back, and that almost made me happy. Because before having Félix, I never had a period on my own. I needed pills and injections to ovulate, and when those didn't work, I needed pills to induce my period. Something I was used to. So, the bleeding was sort of a surprise to me. I am still breastfeeding, although I know it's not always a

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1143752913266788882006-03-30T14:56:00.000-05:002006-03-30T16:08:33.316-05:00

My son turned two months last Tuesday. Two months!! I can't believe how fast time flies! I've wanted to post so many times, having so many things to say, but I just can't seem to find the time. P went back to work on Tuesday too. So before that, we just spent every second we had together, as a family. And now, well, having the baby all to myself is keeping me real busy. I still have time to read

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1140485652636096312006-02-20T20:16:00.000-05:002006-02-20T20:34:12.670-05:00

Thursday, Jan. 26, I went to the hospital to have some gel put on my cervix to help things move along. I was late and nothing was happening. After applying the gel, they told me to come back the next morning and we would see then what we would do. The gel did give me some contractions, but they did not hurt. I didn’t sleep well that night. My arms and hands were always getting numb because of my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1139527260510305412006-02-09T18:03:00.000-05:002006-02-09T18:21:00.530-05:00

I am working on translating the (long) birthstory I wrote in French, but it takes a long time. I just wanted to let you all know we are doing good. Félix is such a good baby. He never cries, always sleeps... but, we're having a hard time breastfeeding. At the hospital, I had no trouble at all. But when we came back home, my breasts were hard as wood and as big as footballs and he did not want

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1138667920310830672006-01-30T19:34:00.000-05:002006-01-30T19:38:40.336-05:00

We got back from the hospital this afternoon, our hands and hearts full of love. Our son Félix was born Saturday morning, 46 minutes past midnight. Things went mostly well, we're all doing fine and so happy, I can't even begin to express it.Here is our long awaited son. I present him to you in images before I have the time to do it in words.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1138330689769825102006-01-26T21:50:00.000-05:002006-01-26T21:58:09.800-05:00

When I got to the hospital, they put me on a bed with the monitoring on my belly. I was very surprised to learn that I was having contractions. I did not feel them at all. After about an hour, the dr came in and put the gel on my cervix. I then had to lie for another hour. The contractions were different. They came more often, I could feel them, but they still didn't hurt and were not regular at

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1138207128299491002006-01-25T11:35:00.000-05:002006-01-25T11:38:48.300-05:00

P received a package in the mail. I had no idea what it was.He had bought a gift for his son.I'm not a big fan of Metallica, but I still think this is adorable.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1138206939116086182006-01-25T11:25:00.000-05:002006-01-25T11:35:39.156-05:00

I had another appointment yesterday. I think it might have been the last one. I was still hoping for some progress, even though I still haven't had any contraction whatsoever.Well... nothing has moved! The baby is a little lower, but that's it! Since my Dr considers me past my due date (the 21st), he thinks it's time we help things move along a little bit. I am ready and willing to try some

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1138115448570307482006-01-23T09:45:00.000-05:002006-01-24T10:10:48.613-05:00

The way people look at us changes throughout pregnancy. And our own reaction to their glances too.At the beginning, when we are not even showing yet, we expect a lot from other people's eyes. We look at ourselves in the mirror, in our underwear and we see it! Yes yes, it's there, the little bulge! We are so sure we're starting to show (already?) and we rub the little bump lovingly. We will learn

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1136946938583127992006-01-20T15:44:00.000-05:002006-01-24T09:44:57.703-05:00

They say every woman is afraid, at one time or the other, to become a mother. I know I am afraid, since the beginning of the pregnancy. My fears have changed, evolved throughout the months. I don't have the same fears now than I did back at 5 weeks, 10, 20 weeks... Right now, I am mostly afraid of becoming a mom for real and what it involves.Labor and deliveryI imagine every woman is, at one

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1137684675754640582006-01-19T10:09:00.000-05:002006-01-19T10:31:15.773-05:00

I had another appointment on Tuesday, with my regular Dr this time, thank God. I had little hope things would have moved, since I've had no contractions, false or real. I was right. My cervix is still softened at 50% and not dialated one bit. The baby is still very high (although he is head down, whew!). I know sometimes it can go real fast, but it doesn't look that way to me right now.Someone

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1137545899932763442006-01-15T15:47:00.000-05:002006-01-17T19:58:19.953-05:00

There are some habits that stay with us for a long time, without us always noticing. Infertility has changed my life and given me a few habits, good and bad. Like the one where I feel like crap every time someone tells me about an oops pregnancy. There is also one I find pretty funny...The other day, I was talking to my sil and I said "If one day we have children..." She looked at me kind of

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1137545240663887542006-01-13T19:31:00.000-05:002006-01-17T19:47:20.683-05:00

When becoming a mother was still only a dream, when all I could do was try to imagine what it would be like to have a round belly, a few things seemed weird, ridiculous even, to me. One of the most annoying things I found was when a pregnant lady would walk around with a hand constantly on her belly. I hated seeing a woman rub her belly. Was she expecting a genie to come out? Did she want her

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1137084167806771992006-01-12T10:46:00.000-05:002006-01-12T11:42:47.886-05:00

I have another friend, Nathalie, who's completely different from Paty. We've been friends since high school too. If I compare Paty and Nathalie... I have one example, to show you how well Nathalie listens compared to Paty. They both knew we were TTC, taking fertility drugs and all that. When I finally decided to tell them I was pregnant, I just took them to my bedroom (seperatly), telling them I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1136920849174562802006-01-05T15:39:00.000-05:002006-01-19T10:08:06.446-05:00

I have this friend, Paty (the one who lost her father back in September) whom I've been friends with for a long time. But our friendship has always been a weird one. Sometimes we could spend 2, 3 months without calling each other and that was normal. We have our lives, we don't really mind and get mad. It's just how it goes with her. Anyway, every time I talk to her, it's always to talk about her

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1136911090821036002006-01-02T11:52:00.000-05:002006-01-10T11:38:59.303-05:00

is not always greener on the other side of the fenceI missed my 34 weeks appointment because of the car accident. I had to make a new appointment last week, but unfortunately, my dr was not available. I don't really mind seeing another dr, since these appointments are usually short and more routine than anything. But my dr is the one who followed me for 2 years in infertility treatments. He

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1136142475789023782006-01-01T13:58:00.000-05:002006-01-01T14:07:55.810-05:00

On this first day of 2006, my wishes go to...To everybody who has lost someone special, I wish peace and serenity. May this year bring you the closure you need to come at peace with your loss and remember only the good things about your loved one.To every infertile, I wish strength and courage. May this year make your dream come true. A healthy pregnancy to those still waiting for the positive

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1136060490535075932005-12-30T16:57:00.000-05:002005-12-31T15:21:30.566-05:00

I started this blog in January, so this year's retrospective will also be some king of blog annual report.JanuaryI'm still shaken by my miscarriage. We start trying again, with stronger doses of injectibles. For the first time of my life, I have more than one folicle: there are 3 mature eggs ready to be released. We try our first IUI. It doesn't work.FebruarySecond IUI. Doesn't work. Starting to

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1136059007827808832005-12-29T23:39:00.000-05:002005-12-31T14:56:47.846-05:00

Holidays are always very busy for us. My parents are divorced, so that doubles the parties on my side. P's family and mine don't mix, so more parties again. Lots of food, lots of gifts, lots of fatigue for me this year. And that was only Christmas!But holidays are also a very hard time for infertiles, as too many of you know. Christmas and New Year's are just two more reminders of our infertility

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1135442729793368782005-12-24T11:44:00.000-05:002005-12-24T11:45:29.830-05:00

I wanna wish you all a very merry Christmas filled with surprises and love. Smile, laugh, danse, kiss and let the Christmas magic blow your worries away for one night.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1135364716517242952005-12-23T13:50:00.000-05:002005-12-23T14:05:53.180-05:00

It seems I say that every month, but wow! Does time fly! I'm already 8 months along! Only one month to go! I am so not ready to give birth yet! Of course, I can't wait to meet my baby. But I am not tired of my big belly yet. I've had such an amazingly beautiful pregnancy, I don't want it to end!Ok, of course there are some minor aches and pains now... Nothing really bothering me, but still, it's

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1135278432455429662005-12-22T14:03:00.000-05:002005-12-22T14:07:12.476-05:00

Last Tuesday, I left home by myself to go to my dr's appointment. P always takes the car to work, so I wanted to take advantage of the fact I had it for myself for one whole day. I had some errands to do, some gifts to buy for P and a job to get to the printer. I din't get to do any of those things. A few minutes after leaving home, I was embarking on the highway and I got hit from behind by a

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1135276939608422322005-12-19T13:15:00.000-05:002005-12-22T13:42:19.636-05:00

Sunday the 4th, as expected, P took me to the restaurant for my shower his aunt's birthday. When we got there, we saw his parents and aunt sitting all alone at a big table next to a big door. The door to the reception hall, of course. Trying to make the surprise last, my fil says he's got something to show us and he opens the big door. I put my surprised face on and enter...I did not have to fake

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1134660977604362532005-12-15T10:29:00.000-05:002005-12-15T10:36:17.623-05:00

Yes, I'm still here. And I'm still sick. I'm so sick of being sick! My second cold in a month! I usually never get sick, but it seems this pregnancy thing is an open door for the colds... Must have kissed too many people at my shower (yes yes, story to come!)... Anyway, I've been sick for the last 9 days and there seem to be very little improvement. Throat hurting, nose blocked, even my eye

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1134054895973375762005-12-08T10:14:00.000-05:002005-12-08T10:14:55.973-05:00

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1134054674425502122005-12-06T09:45:00.000-05:002005-12-08T10:11:14.486-05:00

One year ago, I lost my first baby. I was pregnant only for a very short time, but I never thought of it as an embryo. It was a baby from the moment I saw the second line appear on my test. Today, I say my last goodbye to this little baby. Every anniversary is now passed: 1 month, 6 months, the EDD, the positive test anniversary and today, the miscarriage anniversary. I am closing the book and

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1133822004822270432005-12-02T17:09:00.000-05:002005-12-05T17:33:24.863-05:00

When I first told my mom I was pregnant, she asked me if she was supposed to throw me a baby shower. I told her she didn't have to, but yes, it was supposed to be her job.After my 18 weeks u/s, when we knew we were expecting a boy, she asked me to give her a list of the things we needed. I had already put up a really precise list of everything we needed to buy, so I just gave her that list. She

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1133377644512164742005-11-30T14:03:00.000-05:002005-11-30T14:07:24.550-05:00

Because of the wedding magazines contract, I've been working a lot in down-town Montreal. I took the bus to get there and to get back. In the morning, at rush hour, there never are any seats available because I'm at the end of the line. People never give me their seat, but that's ok, because a lot of people get down after I get in. So I never got to do the whole bus ride standing up. Anyway, I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1133376532016370852005-11-30T13:40:00.000-05:002005-11-30T13:48:52.033-05:00

I'm such a lame blogger these days. I have excuses, but really, how long does it take to write a post to say I'm ok? I've been super busy for the last month. I am self-employed, as you might know, and october/november are always the busiest months for me, mostly because I am the graphic designer for all the ads in 2 big wedding magazines that come out every 6 months. On top of that, I had a new

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1131499009708723182005-11-08T19:57:00.000-05:002005-11-08T20:16:49.740-05:00

I am such a bad blogger these days... I am so swamped with work! It's a good thing though, being self-employed, the more I work, the more money I make! And I've been sick with a bad cold for the last 4 days. I did not sleep at all Friday and Saturday night so I went to the the pharmacist. He told me I could take some Sinus Tylenol (which the other pharmacist had not told me 2 days earlier) so

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1130466556504776192005-10-27T22:10:00.000-04:002005-10-27T22:29:16.526-04:00

Last Monday, I had my diabetes test. I had already done this test at the fertility clinic, so I knew what to expect. One big glass of orange stuff to drink, a couple of burps, 2 hours sitting there, waiting to get my blood drawn and that was it. Tuesday, I had my follow-up appointment (since I missed it last week). The nurse called the hospital to get my GD resuslts and everything is fine. I am

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1130025727072236882005-10-22T19:30:00.000-04:002005-10-22T20:02:07.086-04:00

Unbelievable. I wake up one morning and realize I am 26 weeks pregnant. I realize that in 3 months, if everything continues to go well, I'll be holding my little boy in my arms. And I panic a little. The room is not done, I almost haven't bought anything (an embargo from my mom, I'll tell you about it later), I haven't read what I wanted to read, I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted to take

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1129929990266372852005-10-21T17:06:00.000-04:002005-10-21T17:26:30.276-04:00

I have a contract that comes twice a year, every 6 months. Today was the beginning, so I had to go to the office in Montréal. I took the bus to get there, since it's much faster and simpler that way. I entered the bus and a nice lady offered me her seat! I was so touched by her nice gesture and, I must say, a little proud that it finally showed enough for others to see. I hadn't told my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1129818928173188642005-10-20T10:28:00.000-04:002005-10-20T10:35:28.186-04:00

I had an appointment this morning. I always find it hard to wait 4 weeks between appointments. So when the time comes, I'm all excited and anxious to hear the baby's heart and see how many pounds I have gained. So we went to the clinic early this morning. P always takes some time off work to come with me, which I really appreciate, since he cannot really miss that much work. We arrive at the

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1129661872347245512005-10-17T20:45:00.000-04:002005-10-18T14:58:17.653-04:00

Lats week, P took the week off so we could work on the house. Or should I say in the house. I could not take the week off because of big contracts, so he did most of the work by himself. What a man!We completely redid the basement. We hadn't touched it since we moved here more than a year ago. It was full of furniture we didn't use, the walls were painted an ugly color and it was really not warm

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1129661101556608332005-10-10T14:33:00.000-04:002005-10-18T14:45:01.566-04:00

I was talking to my mom and she told me that my big brother (the one who got married this summer) and his wife now want a house an a baby. She then said "she stopped taking the pill. It's about time!" What a stupid comment... But that's not even what I want to talk about now... I did not think it would still bother me at this point. I thought that now that I am pregnant and more than half-way to

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1128629923197946552005-10-06T15:43:00.000-04:002005-10-06T16:18:43.213-04:00

I knew, when I learned I was pregnant, that I would be facing all sorts of comments beginning with "oh you'll see..." and "just a little advice..." I knew people would want to share their knowledge and educate us, poor little childless couple. During my years of infertility, I heard too many "you're so lucky not to have kids!" For years I was told, indirectly, that I knew nothing if I didn't have

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127758655347648822005-09-26T14:09:00.000-04:002005-09-26T14:18:09.000-04:00

I will be back later for an update and news, but for now I only have time to do this. Dooneybug tagged me, so there you go!THE RULES:1. Go into your archive.2. Find your 23rd post.3. Find the fifth sentence.4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.5. Tag five people to do the same.It is not something we talk about a lot when it is not part of our reality.I was

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127433482434659152005-09-22T19:48:00.000-04:002005-09-22T19:58:02.436-04:00

When we learned I was pregnant, a good friend of P had just died from liver cancer. For months, cancer ravaged his body and killed him slowly. I know his death was very hard on P. I know he still thinks a lot about his friend, mentor, collegue and he misses him. On his desk, in his pencil older are his friend's In Memoriam card and a positive pregnancy test, side by side. We often say when one

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127432873637317032005-09-21T15:35:00.000-04:002005-09-22T19:47:53.643-04:00

I had my 4th routine appointment this morning. I bet with P I had gained 5 pounds. At my last appointment, I was still on the negative side (from mystarting weight). I hoped I had finally gained some pounds (might be the only time in my life I wish that!). Well, I was surprised! I gained 7 pounds in one month! The poutines* and chocolate chips cookies green salads and fresh fruits finally made

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127432118851264582005-09-20T09:11:00.000-04:002005-09-22T19:35:18.856-04:00

I really liked my aqua fitness class. The women are nice and the exercise felt good. The strangest thing is, I felt so very young. Age has always been a stressful point for me, TTC wise. I mean, I don't think I am old, being 28. But when you hear the biological clock ticking so loud, when you see time slipping through your fingers so fast, you feel a lot of pressure. I felt rushed by time, by my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127430250307317662005-09-19T18:36:00.000-04:002005-09-22T19:04:10.316-04:00

I'm gonna spend one hour in a pool with pregnant women tonight. One hour with fertile pregnant women. I don't know these women, I don't know what they have been through. But statistically, in the 12 women there, ther might only be one other infertile besides me. So, I'm gonna be swimming with fertiles. I hate the way I feel when I'm with them. I feel like I'm not good enough, or not as special

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127431301635884062005-09-18T19:05:00.000-04:002005-09-22T19:22:33.613-04:00

When I think about "women different than me", I think about those who did not have to wait to have a baby. I think about those who had to try for a month or two before seeing that second pink line on the pregnancy test and never had to wonder if that one was gonna stick. I think about those who don't know there are other women like me and thousands of others who have to wait for years, facing

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1127424977180411702005-09-17T17:12:00.000-04:002005-09-22T17:36:17.206-04:00

My home office was a real mess. Tons of bills, invoices, folders, birthday cards, magazines, all mixed up on the floor. I usually am a very organised person and my office is the first place I keep really clean. I had stopped cleaning up only because I was lazy and things started pilling up. Anyway, it was in dire need of cleaning and organising. On my desk, I always have a big table calendar,

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1126900954804272232005-09-16T15:57:00.000-04:002005-09-16T16:02:34.810-04:00

Yesterday, P and I were sitting confortably watching the premiere of the new season of Survivor. I've been feeling the baby move a lot for the last 3 weeks, but nothing like last night! Guess Pépin loves Survivor because he kicked and danced and moved around during the whole show. P kept his hand on my belly and looked at me with surprise and a big smile everytime he felt something move under his

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1126480073972405602005-09-11T19:00:00.000-04:002005-09-11T19:07:53.980-04:00

I'm halfway between conceiving and having a baby. Half of my pregnancy is already done, already! I look behind and I am really amazed by the road we have travelled to get here. I look ahead and I see lots of excitment, love and axiety all mixed up. I can't wait to do that part of the journey with P. The journey to our son. I can't wait to embark on the parenting adventure with him. I'm really,

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1126216729958431122005-09-08T17:21:00.000-04:002005-09-08T17:58:50.003-04:00

Last Saturday, we helped friends move out. Well, P helped move the furniture, I washed the dishes. For 3 hours straight. Alone. The friend we helped, Patricia, I have know since I was 7. We were not really friends back then. We were in the same ballet class, but did not really speak to each other. It's only in High school that we became friends. We were at the same bus stop every morning so we

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1125802942129099232005-09-03T23:00:00.000-04:002005-09-03T23:02:22.136-04:00

I have just realised I only put 5 things in the 7 things post... Yep... I can't count! I think I need more sleep...

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1125585630385753832005-09-01T10:35:00.000-04:002005-09-01T17:43:08.486-04:00

Callista wanted me to do this. With pleasure! I'm a geek remember? I love quizzes!7 things I plan to do before I die:1. Travel, anywhere, everywhere!2. Become a grandma (big picture!)3. Write a novel4. Spend a whole summer on the beach5. Learn how to play piano7 things I can do:1. Origami (I took classes when I was a kid!)2. Cross-stitching, drawing and painting3. Sing any Queen song by heart4.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1125339109084928252005-08-29T13:32:00.000-04:002005-08-29T14:11:49.303-04:00

We arrived in advance at the hospital, too excited to see our baby again. I put on the superb blue dress and sat, legs crossed. I was starting to feel the 3 big glasses of water, but nothing as painful as everybody had told me. After a couple of minutes, they called my name. The technician put that cold gelly on my belly and then we see it: there's our baby on the small screen! It might not be a

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1125021657174161102005-08-26T09:53:00.000-04:002005-08-26T09:56:54.030-04:00

People ask me if I'd rather have one or the other. I answer, honestly, no. I want a boy and a girl, equaly. People ask me if I have a gut feeling. I used to say no, because I didn't. But now I'm not so sure. I've just realised that from the beginning of this pregnancy, without it being crystal clear, I've always seen Pépin as a boy. For the last few days, I've been thinking about it a lot and I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1125020712341525252005-08-25T21:45:00.000-04:002005-08-25T21:59:05.433-04:00

I have the feeling I've been waiting a lot these last few years. Sometimes with impatience, other times with peace. I waited for my boyfriend to agree to try to have a baby. I waited for my period. Then I waited for the test results, the diagnosis and the solution. I waited, every cycle, for ovulation (or not) and for my period (or let's hope not). I waited for a little baby to make a home of my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1124848289450196162005-08-23T21:23:00.000-04:002005-08-23T21:51:29.480-04:00

Yesterday, I turned 4 months pregnant. Already 4 months, it's amazing! I still have to pinch myself from time to time. My body I can not ignore my belly anymore. I still think it's pretty small, but people are starting to notice it. I still fit in most of my clothes, but I feel the maternity clothes shoping spree is close at. I've had headaches for 4 weeks, on and off. They seem gone for now. I

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1124846599682490572005-08-23T21:15:00.000-04:002005-08-23T21:23:19.696-04:00

The weekend party went pretty well. I might even say I was pleasantly surprised. It rained all weekend, but it wasn't that bad. I heard some dumb comments and some assvice begining with "oh, you'll see..." but nothing really annoying. Not that many people tried to rub my belly, thank goodness. But everybody looked at my belly before looking at my face to say hi. I did not sleep in a tent, being

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1124487376958722172005-08-19T17:04:00.000-04:002005-08-19T17:36:16.970-04:00

This weekend is the big annual pic-nic/party of my MIL's family. A big 2 days with the in-laws. I even have the honor of a bonus night with P's parents because he told them we would get there tonight to help them out. Everybody is gonna be there tomorrow. That means a lot of people, since my MIL has a big family. A big party of cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, where everybody sleeps over in tents

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1124390304442917562005-08-18T14:21:00.000-04:002005-08-18T14:38:24.450-04:00

This morning, I had my third follow-up appointment. I was really anxious. I think it's too long, 4 weeks between appointments! 4 weeks without hearing the baby's heart, it's like an eternity. Well, nothing is ever gonna be as long as a 2 weeks wait, but you know what I mean! I still can't really feel it move, except for a few times when I'm lying down and pressing on my belly, but not every time.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1124237052625466482005-08-16T20:02:00.000-04:002005-08-16T20:04:12.630-04:00

In 10 days, I have my big u/s. We're hoping to find out the gender of Pépin. So I placed a little poll to the right. Is Pépin a boy or a girl? Or maybe a talking and walking kiwi that could make us rich? Go ahead and vote! Place your bets!

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1124148786516003302005-08-15T17:10:00.000-04:002005-08-15T19:33:06.553-04:00

Saturday morning, after getting my hair done and getting all dressed up, P and I went to my brother's appartment to meet with my family before the ceremony. All my family was there: my dad and his girlfriend, my mom and her boyfriend and my two brothers. Everybody was looking so good, men in tux and women in beautiful dresses. Everybody was smiling, had nice hair and sparkles in their eyes. I had

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123875498450882112005-08-12T15:19:00.000-04:002005-08-12T15:38:18.456-04:00

Well, I think my danse to the sun has worked. No more rain for tomorrow, at least that's what they keep repeating on the weather chanel. Whew! It's not even my wedding and I'm so excited. I got lots of stuff to do and think about and I'm not even a bridesmaid! In fact, I play no role at all in my brother's wedding. My SIL's sister is her maid of honor and her 2 best friends are her bridesmaids.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123769771692627962005-08-11T10:05:00.000-04:002005-08-11T10:16:11.703-04:00

This Saturday, my big brother is getting married. It's gonna be the first wedding in the family, and probably the last one. I know how important this day is to my brother and his fiancee. I don't know the danse to call the sun, but if someone shows it to me, I'm gonna do it non-stop so that the sky is clear for their big day. I've been to many weddings. Some were a little bit cold, or windy, but

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123617641514188572005-08-09T15:58:00.000-04:002005-08-09T16:01:10.860-04:00

In caressing your follicles I am only vaguely reminded of the bitter harvest.Not sure that's a compliment... but very odd that I got that one when I went here.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123553415394823052005-08-08T21:58:00.000-04:002005-08-08T22:12:48.323-04:00

For months I have feared the coming of August 8. For months, I wondered what my reaction would be, what I would feel like inside. I thought I would be devastated, I thought I would live the day in regret and sorrow. This day has come and I am surprised by the peace I feel inside. My first baby, the one that did not stay very long in my belly, would have been born by today... I thought I would get

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123525675151051452005-08-07T21:20:00.000-04:002005-08-08T14:27:55.166-04:00

We spent the weekend in the cabin by the lake, all alone. It was so much fun and so relaxing. The weather was wonderful, sunny, warm, a little wind, no clouds... We swam in the lake, took a long walk and made a fire when the sun came down. It felt so good being all alone with P. Things are so simple with him. When the sun was completely gone from the sky, we put a blanket in the grass and lied

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123251447746398302005-08-05T10:12:00.000-04:002005-08-05T10:17:27.750-04:00

P complained he did not have any underwear in his drawer. I told him to go look in the dryer, as I often forget the clean clothes there after it's done. After a couple of days, he still complained he had no underwear. There were none in the dryer, none in the hamper. Yesterday morning, he had the good idea to look in the washer. Yes. I forgot to take the clean (and soaking) clothes out last

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123165117912953312005-08-04T10:14:00.000-04:002005-08-04T12:02:01.000-04:00

We were almost due on the same day. She was a little more far along than I was, but I was following her pregnancy with great interest and hope. Please send some love to Callista, she just had some terrible news.

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123163357179540942005-08-03T19:14:00.000-04:002005-08-04T09:49:17.186-04:00

3 years ago, I did not start a new pill box. 3 years ago, we were beginning the TTC adventure, without expecting it to be so tough. I was 25, P was 27, we were ready and invincible. In August 2002, we had finally decided to start trying and let nature do her thing. I knew I had some fertility issues, I've always had them. But I never could have imagined the road we would have to travel. In

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123029891253203142005-08-02T19:48:00.000-04:002005-08-02T20:44:51.276-04:00

I don't really like being touched. I never liked it. My bubble is very important to me, I don't let that many people cross my physical contact limits. Touching is for me very intimate and I keep it for special occasions and people very, very close to me. I knew when we decided to come out about the pregnancy, it would open doors. I know people have a tendancy to touch. But the fact that there is

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1123026475115137462005-08-01T20:34:00.000-04:002005-08-02T19:47:55.123-04:00

Since P's parents did not give him a proper birthday party, I decided to invite some friends over, for a small surprise party last Friday. Many of them could not come, but 7 of them did, with pleasure. I did not have a great plan, I just thought they would drop by and act as if they were only passing in the neigborhood and droping by. P knew his brother would be coming that night, but not that

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1122576220467078022005-07-28T14:11:00.000-04:002005-07-28T14:43:40.476-04:00

We all have dreams. They change and evolve all our life. Some dreams we let go at some point, others get more important. Some dreams follow us since we are kids, others appear during our adult life.I've had a lot of dreams since I can remember. I've always been a dreamer, I could look at the sky for hours, lost in my thoughts, imagining all sorts of things. I've given up many of my dreams in my

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1122385934251684832005-07-26T09:50:00.000-04:002005-07-26T09:52:52.690-04:00

Last weekend, we went to my IL's place in the woods for P's birthday. He turned 30, so I kinda expected they had planned something special for him. P's cousin, A, was coming along with us. She's like a sister to him, so it was only natural she was there.When we arrived, the FIL looks at me and says "well, you're not gonna be able to hide it much longer" looking at my belly. What kind of a comment

Kiwinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10649786.post-1122383749915521432005-07-26T09:15:00.000-04:002005-07-26T09:15:49.920-04:00

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