Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Catching up

I still have a lot of catching up to do since my last post. I wanted to translate my French blog as I go, but it would be too long. So here's Part II of our little story...

January 16, I am finally back in the TTC game! I call my RE and they tell me to stick with the last recipe we talked about. That means I start taking 5 mg of Femara daily, from CD3 to CD7, then 140 iu (cranked up a notch) of FSH injections from CD7 to CD9 and go for the u/s on CD10. I was so excited to go (even if a folly-scan is not the funnest test to go to) because my RE had told it was possible I would have more than one folicle because of the higher dose. I was hoping for at least 2 eggies. On Jan. 25, I go for my u/s and once again, a slap in the face. No folicle is mature. Not even one! My RE tells me to take 150 iu of Gonal-f (FSH) from CD10 to CD13 and come back on CD14 for another u/s. I was very discouraged, thinking the injectibles didn't even work on me anymore! I cried a lot, thinking about how I wasted so much time already and how I did the HSG for nothing. I had always counted on the fact that it's supposed to make you more fertile for a couple of months after. Well, it has been almost 3 months already! Anyway... I came back to earth quickly, not being one to give in to despair and whining. I had hope the few additionnal injections would do the trick. So I went back for an u/s on Jan. 29 with Mr P. We were both full of hopes and dreams when we walked in the u/s room. And there they were! So big on the screen, so promising! I had 3 big follies (17, 16 and 15) and 2 smaller ones (13). My RE was very happy of the results. He told me to take one last big shot of FSH just to give them a last boost. I gave myself 225 iu of Gonal-f that day and the hCG shot the next day, at midnight.

I still could not belive I had 3 eggies! This never happened to me before! We decided to try doing a IUI this cycle, since we had 3 eggs. Mr P. has no problem with his little guys, but the dr told us it would still give us better chances. So we went in for the IUI on the morning of February 1st. They told us the sample was excellent (Mr P. was very proud to hear that!) and asked me to lay on the table. The IUI itself did not really hurt. I just had some bad cramping after, and for the rest of the day. Never mind, it's all worth it, if it makes my dream come true!

So that kinda brings us up to date. I am still in the 2 weeks wait... Today is 8 DPO. My breasts were hurting like hell last week, but it was because of the hCG shot. Now everything is back to normal... and it's pretty quiet... No symptoms, no sign on my chart... Just the old boring 2ww... I don't think I'm going to test before AF is due (on the 15th) because I am too afraid of seeing another BFN. That blank rond shape on the test is just too much to take after 2 weeks of anticipation and hope. I live for the feeling I got when that second pink line appeared. I just want to live that moment again so much, it's like an addiction! I often said, after my m/c, that I sometimes wished I never knew at all. I wished I simply thought I was late and would have taken my m/c for very heavy AF, nothing more. I would have never known the pain of having your most precious dream come true and just be taken away from you. But then again, I would have never known the joy of knowing I was pregnant. I would have never known the look on my love's face when he realised he was going to be a dad. As of today, I am still not sure the short days of pure bliss compensate for the horror that followed. But I'm not ready to forget. I don't want that beautiful memory taken away from me. At least, not yet.

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