Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Lab Rat

I managed to get a quick appointment with my RE this morning to discuss what we would do this cycle. Felt really weird not having to take off my pants. Can't remember the last time I went to see him just to talk. I thought we would only increase the injections. But he had other plans. This cycle, I will not take Femara as I usually do. Instead, I'll be taking 200 mg of Clomid from CD3 to CD7. And then I'll be taking 140 iu of FSH from CD7 to CD9. Wow, I just can't wait for those hot flashes! And I will go back for a u/s on CD10, that's next Tuesday. Hopelfully this new recipe will do the trick and produce at least one big folicle.

I really feel like a lab rat. My RE is always trying new recipes on me. I always said I would do anything I could to become a mom. But these days I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. All I really want is to have a treatment that works and one that we stick to, cycle after cycle, knowing it's gonna make me ovulate and all we have to do is catch that egg. But no! Every cycle I'm not even sure I'm going to ovulate at all! And we have to work ourselves up to stay positive and keep up hope, to be yet disappointed when failure strikes, again and again.

My insurance company only pays up to a certain amount. And we will soon have reached that amount. So we maybe have 2 cycles with injectibles left. After that, we either pay for it all (which we can't do for the moment) or we give up the treatments (which means giving up ovulating). I don't want to think about that, but the financial side of ifertility is very hard to deal with. I know the limits of my body, I know how far I can push myself, and that's pretty far. But I cannot bend the limits of our bank accounts. I cannot push the limit just a little further every cycle. Those limits are not flexible as my own are.

Anyway... I started the Clomid this afternoon. I know I will be very nasty and mean the next few days, or weeks... I told Mr P. to buy lots of chocolate to soothe me when I'm barking too loud. Poor him! He's gonna get so much screaming, crying, pouting, freezing in the days to come! I know I get the physical part of the process, but he has to deal with ME... I would not trade places with him, no sir!

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