Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Good again

Oh wow, has it already been 3 months?
I've been meaning to update for quite a while, but days turn into weeks and into months...

I have come to a decision lately. I had been thinking about it for a long. Since Félix was born actually. I am a graphic designer, been self-employed (and doing well) for over 8 years now. When Félix was born, I took 5 weeks off work. Then I had to go back to work (at my home office, but still) so I wouldn't lose the clients I had been working hard to keep. But I worked less. I did not accept any contract that would come my way. I was way more selective and that was ok. When I got pregnant with Laurent, oh my god was I tired. Taking care of a toddler, a house, a huge belly and working on top of that, well, it was too much for me. But to stop working for a year would mean to lose all my clients and contracts. To stop working for many years would mean having to reorient myself in a couple of years, because the graphic design world moves too fast. You can't stop for a few years and then expect to start off where you left.

So I kept working because I wasn't ready to stop designing altogether. I wasn't sure I wanted to star a new carreer in a few years.

And then, Laurent came into our lives.

And I had to work when he was only 5 weeks old, again, because of this one big contract I have and love (the only one I still like, in fact). I did it. It was hard. Félix went to daycare a little bit more for 2 months (3 days a week instead of 2). I worked nights and weekends. But I made it. And it opened my eyes.

It helped me make my decision. I am only keeping this one contract from now on. It comes only twice a year, for 6 weeks each time. I still enjoy doing it, no matter how hard it is. But for the rest of the year, I am a full-time stay a home mom. I don't care if I become outdated. I'll stop working completely then. If I want to start working again in a couple of years, when the kids are in school, we'll see then. Now, today, I am enjoying watching my kids grow. And wouldn't you know it, I seem to have even less free time now that I'm not working than I had before. But it's ok. Taking care of my two boys is the greatest job I could have hoped for. It is hard and not very glamourous. But I love it nonetheless.

Not working also means having more time (supposedly) for things I enjoy doing. I have been a support mom for a breastfeeding support group for over a year now. And I have been writing for a webzine about infertility (in French) for a year. Things I wouldn't have time to do if I was working. Financially, we're lucky P has a really good job (and he works damn hard too) so I can stay at home with the boys. I know P is grateful I am willing to sacrifice my carreer to be there for the kids. And I know he kinda knows it's hard, even if he will never trully know how hard it really is. But no matter how hard it is, I would never trade my place with his.

The first two months with Laurent were actually real hard. Laurent had colics and cried for 3 hours straight. every. night. No matter what we did, he cried and fussed and seemed really unconfortable. I tried everything I could think of or find on the internet. He finally snaped out of it a couple of weeks ago. What a huge difference it made. He is a new baby. Always smiling and laughing and sleeping really well and most of all, going to sleep real fast. But for 2 months, I was a complete mess. He wouldn't sleep during the day either, except in the wrap. He wouldn't be put down. Ever. For two months. Even during the night, he would sleep in our amrs. Yeah, we totally spoiled him.

I had no patience, no life, no sleep. I felt as if my brains were about to explode every time he cried. I felt useless and incompetent. I thought the second baby would be easier than the first. Little did I know. Félix was an angel compared to his little brother. And I felt very sorry for Félix who had to be very patient and understanding for a little boy.

But now... now things are so great. Laurent sleeps in his bed, by himself, the whole night through. He goes to sleep after 5 or 10 minutes of rocking him. No more crying. Nurses like a champ. Kicks and giggles all the time. Grabs toys, eats his hands and lifts his head. He is so adorable and fat. He has so may folds, it's unbelievable! He weighed 9 and 12 at birth. At 3 months, he weighed 19 pounds. I tell ya, I am not producing milk, but 35% cream!

Félix loves him. He can't wait for his little brother to come and play with him. He hugs and kisses him all the time. He screams with joy when he hears the baby waking up. He loves making him laugh and smile. He is such a sweet sweet boy. Getting so big too.

Life is good. After a rough patch, it is good again. Oh so good.


7 comment(s):

glad to hear you survived that rough period.

By Anonymous Lala, at 4:55 PM  

Lovely update! What a chunk that little guy is :)


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:22 AM  

Awww they are so cute!

By Blogger Kat, at 9:06 PM  

What beautiful boys you have. I'm glad you've made a decision that works for you.

By Blogger PJ, at 3:05 PM  

Such cuties! So jealous that you get to stay home... but very happy for you that you get to make that decision :)

By Blogger Sheryl, at 1:03 PM  

Aw, what a pair of sweethearts! I stumbled over here from Stirrup Queens' blogroll, I have PCOS myself, and stories such as these give me hope!

And I think that schedule sounds ideal to me--still connected to the "work" world, but your focus is mostly on what your heart wants it to be on.

- Molly

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