Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Still going

My chart is still looking like crap... I try not to get discouraged by it, but it's very disappointing, especially since I've had beautiful charts in the past (along with lots of crappy charts). I know I can't rely only on my chart, but until I see my RE, it is the only tool I have to obsess with. I called my RE's office this week to try and see him to have some testing done for my progesterone. But the nice receptionnist was off that day and the Nurse-from-hell answered me. She was so rude to me, telling it was useless to test my progesterone, that she would ask the dr, but could not give me an appt this week anyway, so it would do no good... Anyway, I took the chance and hoped she would call me back to ask me to come in for blood work today (which is my 7DPO). She did call back today, but at 5 pm and I missed it. I have an appt next Tuesday, but I will call back tomorrow, just in case. Tuesday, I will be 12 DPO. When my period arrives, it actually does on 12 DPO. So if it's there by then, I will see my dr to discuss what to do next. If it's not there, I will be able to ask him for the progesterone and hCG testing then. So I guess one way or the other, I'll know by Tuesday. Maybe if I can't stop myself from POAS, I'll do it before going to see him.

I am having a hard time these days in my buddy groups. Many nice women who have had fertility issues (or not) are now pregnant. I am happy for them, of course, but at the same time, I just feel like it constantly reminds me that I am NOT pregnant. I was, but not anymore. And since I don't want to take their joy away with my moodiness and life's-unfair-ness, I just don't write anymore. Maybe I'll obsess less. Ahah! Who am I kidding? I try not to obsess, but my chart is calling me 10 times a day "Stare at me! Stare at me!" And I obey, thinking if I stare hard enough and long enough I might see a sign appear telling me "Yep! You're pregnant!" Stupid chart making my eyes hurt...


On another note, I want to talk about some blogs that really move me. I have been reading some IF sisters' blogs for some time now. I know mine is pretty boring beside most of them. I am far less witty and funny than them. I have nothing new or interesting to say. And my spontaneity is lost in translation too. But I read these blogs very religiously and I really admire these women. And today, two of them made me cry and want to go through the screen and give them a big hug. Over at Scrambled eggs and Wasted birth control, the raw and profound sadness and strenght really touched me beyond words. I am not good with words, I can't find the right words to say how much these posts touched me deep inside. Girls, my thoughts are with you, even if you don't know me.

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