Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Over 5 weeks

I have been blogging on my French blog a lot, but didn't take the time to translate it. So, even if I am past 5 weeks now, here's the update...

My body
My boobs hurt like hell, even more so at night. They are bigger and heavier and very hard on the side. I am almost always hungry, but as soon as I eat, I feel full. I go to the bathroom more often. I had a little pain somewhere around my right ovary, but it's all gone now. I have heartburn and am constipated (must be the pre-natals vitamins). I am very tired. My belly is the same. Maybe a little bloated at night. Overall, I feel good.

My heart
I cry a lot, for nothing. Mostly tears of joy or emotion or fatigue. My heart is beating very strong, so full of the love I have been pilling up for this little kiwi seed, still so small. I am happy, no doubt about it. And I know this happiness could grow if this baby does too.

My head
I feel good, I am starting to grasp a little what is happening to me, or should I say, in me. I still feel scared and anxious, but I am controlling these fears and can manage to come to reason. I made such a habit of over-analysing every little detail of my whole life while TTC, calculating, writing every symptom, twinge and pain, that finding myself surrounded by the unknown is pretty unsettling right now. It feels like I just jumped off a cliff and don't know what's awaiting me at the bottom. I am doing my best to let nature do her job and not interfere. But it's hard to trust her. The symbolic stage of 5 weeks, which is when I lost the first baby, is now past and it feels better, even if it still garantees nothing.

My kiwi seed
I speak to it all the time. I rub my belly, telling it to stay with me. I promise it a confortable, warm and loving house in my belly. I beg of it to stay with me till the end, to stick around so it can meet its wonderful daddy. And I promise it lots of ice cream if it stays inside me until January.

My honey
He is my ancre, he keeps my feet on the ground when I let my imagination run wild or when I let my fears get the best of me. He is happy, I know he is. I also know he is affraid too. He touches my belly with the tip of his fingers, ever so lightly, to let kiwi seed know he is here too, and he is waitig too.

Our world
We did not tell anyone yet. We have decided to wait until at least the first appointment. When we get there, if we get there, we'll decide what we're going to do. We are cautiously happy for the moment and living this fragile happiness between the 2 1/2 of us (oh and my internet friends!).

2 comment(s):

My heart always skips a little beat when I discover good news, like yours.
How wonderful.
Hope you are travelling well & flourishing inside & out.

By Blogger Mony, at 4:11 AM  

Sorry about the tears, but glad that you're having so many symptoms!

By Blogger Sandy, at 9:36 PM  

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