Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Sunday, September 18, 2005


When I think about "women different than me", I think about those who did not have to wait to have a baby. I think about those who had to try for a month or two before seeing that second pink line on the pregnancy test and never had to wonder if that one was gonna stick. I think about those who don't know there are other women like me and thousands of others who have to wait for years, facing despair, countless tests and so much pain "just" to have a baby. That we took pills or not, that we gave up hope or that we have tried everything under the sun, for me, it doesn't change a thing. What makes us different than those other women is the wait and the effort we need to put out, every cycle, to pick ourselves up and go on. No matter if we wait for 10 months or 3 years, it's difficult, period. Of course, the pain changes, evolves with time. Emotions become more and more raw, we become more and more bitter. But the wait, the desire, the impatience, the injustice and despair are the same. It's always too long.

I never thought of myself as superior in any way than fertile women. I'm just different, that's all. Not better, not worse, just different. I could think of a dozen things I envy them. But I can also think of a dozen things they could envy us. If they knew.

Reading all the blogs I read everyday, from all these wonderful women coming from so many different places, having such different histories, always gave me hope and kept my feet on the ground. They now make me realise and grasp the luck we have, the chance we were given to live what we are now living.

Yes, I still consider myself infertile, even with my son growing in me. I know that if one day, we want to expand our family, we may be facing the same road. It scares me, but I keep hoping, no matter what. Reading from you out there, doing IVF, adopting, doing ART or simply waiting and hoping, keeps my feet on the ground and my dream alive.

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