Eggs, shots and rock n roll

I have PCOS and cannot ovulate on my own. After 3 years of trying different treatments and recipes, suffering a miscarriage and doing 2 IUI, we are the proud parents of a beautiful boy born in January, 2006. We were blessed again with another boy born in March 2008.

: Name: Kiwi; Location: Montréal, Québec, Canada

Réflexions douces-amères d'une infertile, maintenant maman de deux garçons.

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Monday, August 29, 2005

Finally!

We arrived in advance at the hospital, too excited to see our baby again. I put on the superb blue dress and sat, legs crossed. I was starting to feel the 3 big glasses of water, but nothing as painful as everybody had told me. After a couple of minutes, they called my name. The technician put that cold gelly on my belly and then we see it: there's our baby on the small screen! It might not be a big deal, but to me it is: this was the first u/s I had ON my belly. No taking off my pants, no stirrups.

We see our baby very clearly on the screen, but the tech doesn't say a word. She has so many things to measure, she says she will explain it all after she's done. So we look at the screen, not always sure of what we're looking at. Sometimes I recognize a face, or an arm, but sometimes I have no clue what the heck she is measuring. After a good 10 minutes, she finally explains it all to us. We see it all so clearly: The head, the little nose, the mouth, the ears... The arms, the hands, the fingers... Pépin moves its hands a lot, scratches its nose... It's so adorable! She shows us the beating heart, all the organs, the ribs, the spine, legs, feet, toes... Everything is there and everything is perfect!

She then asks us if we want to know the gender. Of course! But Pépin is a little shy and shakes its butt at us (my heart is about to explode!) and won't open its legs. The tech asks me to make my belly as big as I can. I do it a couple of times before we can finally see a little more. And by little, I mean the little thing that proved we were having a boy! He spread his legs, showed us what we wanted to see and we just looked at each other, so happy, laughing and crying. We're having a boy! A cute little boy!

The tech went to get the dr. I heard her tell him everything was perfect, except the fact I was measuring "only 18 weeks." I WAS 18 weeks that day, but they keep telling me I'm supposed to be a week more beacause of my last period date. I told them a dozen times I had a long cycle, but they won't listen. My dr knows, it was showed also by my two other u/s. But since this u/s was done at the hospital, they don't care. Anyway, I know I have nothing to worry about.

So the dr came in and put the probe (is that what it's called in English?) on my belly. We then only saw the placenta, like a grey mountain on the screen. And behind the mountain appeared a little hand, waving at us. I sware he's too cute! We see Pépin very clearly again and the dr tells us everything is perfect and to have a nice pregnancy.

P cleans my belly and I run to the bathroom. I am strong, but oh man did that feel good! And then we leave, our hearts so light and new pictures of our little boy in our hands. Here he is, the little man who stole my heart! Here's my Little Prince I so longed for.

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And in only a couple of days, we took some more steps we didn't allow ourselves to take before. I finally went shoping and bought myself some maternity clothes. It was about time! I still don't have a big belly, but I was starting to feel unconfrotable in my regular clothes.

Then on Saturday, I started feeling Pépin very clearly. I think we were not pushing on the right spot on my belly. After the u/s, the tech showed me exactly wher he is in my belly. And I felt him move while I was sitting, without P's help. I feel him often and easily now! I am so thrilled to feel these little bubles bellow my belly button! And I can't wait for P to feel his boy move too, with his hand.

And yesterday, I bought some baby clothes. I had to get that out of my system! I can't keep myself from looking at them and daydreaming about the day I will be dressing my little boy in them.

It is so unbelievable, it's starting to sink in: I'm gonna be a mom. I still need to pinch myself from time to time to make sure I'm not dreaming. The baby's moving, he's there, he even has an identity now: he's our son. It is so much more real now that I can think of him as my little boy instead of my little kiwi seed. He's a small person, a little man. It's wonderful and huge. I look at his picture and my eyes get misty. We're having a baby. Us! After all this time, it is true, it's real, he's really there, growing, inside of me.