Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Friday, August 12, 2005

Excitement and disappointment

Well, I think my danse to the sun has worked. No more rain for tomorrow, at least that's what they keep repeating on the weather chanel. Whew!

It's not even my wedding and I'm so excited. I got lots of stuff to do and think about and I'm not even a bridesmaid! In fact, I play no role at all in my brother's wedding. My SIL's sister is her maid of honor and her 2 best friends are her bridesmaids. My little brother is the best man with 2 of my big brother's best friends. So, P and I will only be sitting there, watching the whole thing. I don't really mind, I told my brother not to feel bad if he had nothing for me to do. P has to collect the money in church, so he has something to do.

What is disappointing me, and maybe I'm being childish, I don't know, is that I have no place at all in the wedding. I mean, I should be the groom sister, that's what I am, right? Well, it means squat to everybody, or so it seems. I don't want the spotlight, I don't want to sit on a throne. I am aware this is their day, not mine. But I would have liked a little consideration, or maybe a little part is this big day. It would have been an honor for me to have something to do, to help them in any way. But no. I'm not a sister, I'm just a guest. I'm sitting at a random table with 2 cousins and one of my mom's friend, her husbad and their son. Wth? I might as well have sitted in the corner with the people nobody knows. I know, I'm a big baby, but I would have liked to sit at a "close family" table, you know? As it is, I feel more like a cousin to my brother than a sister. And we see our cousins once a year. I'm disappointed he did not want to share this with me. Even if we are not that close, we're still brother and sister and I still love them. But hey, it's not my day to be disappointed or sad. It's their day to shine, their day to be happy. I'm a big girl, I'll get over it. At least I'm invited, right?

So, I'm excited too! I can't even imagine what my SIL is going through right now! My dress is ready. I still need to do my nails, shave my legs and go to the haidresser tomorrow morning. And most of all, I need to practice walking with those high heels I bought. I looked everywhere for sandals to go with my nice dress and foud only those, with 3,5 inches heels. I look like a complete idiot with heels. I don't know how to walk with these and haven't found the "High heels for dummies" book yet. I tried cleaning the house in them, doing the laundry and cooking, just to get used to it. I walk endlessly in the house. Nothing works, I still look like a robot. Oh well... lucky me I don't have to walk down the aisle!

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