Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Monday, October 10, 2005

It's still hard

I was talking to my mom and she told me that my big brother (the one who got married this summer) and his wife now want a house an a baby. She then said "she stopped taking the pill. It's about time!" What a stupid comment... But that's not even what I want to talk about now...

I did not think it would still bother me at this point. I thought that now that I am pregnant and more than half-way to a baby, I wouldn't mind as much as I did before. I guess there are still many unresolved issues regarding this whole infertility thing, because it does bother me. It bothers me, not the right way and I can't fully understand why. Of course, when we were still TTC, I would dread the day my brother would tell us they were expecting. That's pretty normal. I feared I would become an aunt before becoming a mother. It was one of my biggest fears, as we all know SIL all are super-fertile. But it bothers me still, and the fact that it bothers me, bothers me even more. Of course, I would be happy for them. I wouldn't wish infertility on anybody. But it bugs me to think they could achieve in one try what we did in 3 years. Once again, the stupid sibbling rivalry, where my brother always got his way, easily, while I've always had to struggle just to get by.

Oh well, I should stop worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet... She still needs to get pregnant, right?

1 comment(s):

I feel the same way too. I don't know if the fertile-jealousy is something I'll ever get over.

By Blogger PJ, at 9:02 AM  

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