Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Monday, July 25, 2005

First trimester

I still can't believe it, the first trimester is over. A third of the pregnancy is done, already, and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Pépin seems to be sticking well. Even if I know there are still risks after the 3 first months, I thinks about it less now. Where am I at, after 13 weeks?

My body
I now have a small belly, that can still go unnoticed if the person doesn't know. I can't wait to show more, but at the same time, I am not in a hurry. I like it the way it is, it helps me get used to the fact that my body is changing. I will soon need new bras though, because I am about to burst out of the ones I have. My breasts are hurting less now. I have not gained any weight, in fact I even lost some, despite the fact I'm eating like a pig and I haven't been sick at all. All my blood tests came back normal. I stopped taking Metformin and for now, things seem ok. I have had no nausea at all since the beginning. I've had some heartburn, but nothing bad. I am still constipated sometimes, that may be the most annoying thing I've had to endure, but still, really not that bad. I am still tired, from time to time. One day I will be full of energy and the next day I will want to sleep all afternoon. I get tired more easily while doing exercise, like biking or hicking. My hunger seems to be back to normal, or almost. No weird cravings, no getting up in the middle of the night for a snack. There's a lot of pulling going on in my belly since last week. My belly button is opening up. I've got some zits on my face proving my hormones are working hard. Of all those things happining to my body, absolutely nothing bothers me right now.

My heart
It finally took over the rest. I now let myself be happy. I have a right to be happy, I deserve it and I am now free to live it. I still feel small pangs of jalousy and frustration sometimes, but nothing big enough to spoil my happiness. Pregnant ladies seing life through pink tinted glasses still get on my nerves, but I'm starting to be able to ignore them. Or to get a small satisfaction by punching them in my dreams.

My head
I am starting to think differently. I think about stuff I never let myself think about or never thought I would ever think about. I no longer see myslef as a pregnant woman only, but also as a mom-to-be, which for me is a huge step. Beside things like the baby's room and the things to buy, I think a lot about what our lives will be like when the baby is here. I know no matter how much I think about it, I'll never be able to imagine anything close to reality. I still have 6 months to prepare myself, I'm not panicking yet, but I'm feeling we're gonna have to start planning soon. I also think a lot about my work and what I'm gonna do about it. As of today, I have no maternity leave. There's a new Provincial plan in the making, but if it doesn't work or if it's late or if there are big changes touching the self-employed (as I am), I will only rely on our savings. So we have decided to do just that and don't think about the provincial plan. If it happens, great, we're gonna have savings. If not, we're gonna be ok too. So for the months to come, we're cutting the fat and putting all our money in the piggy bank. But not only money is an issue when it comes to work. I still have to find a good solution for my clients. I have no employee, so I would need to find replacement. I would have to interview people and try them out because I don't want to put my own business in the hands of someone incompetent. It took me many years to build my name and reputation, I don't want anybody to ruin that in a second. I still have time to think about that, but it's a stress I don't like and would rather get rid of sooner than later. If we could live under only one salary, I'd give it all up and be a full-time stay at home mom. But we can't, at least not now.

My kiwiseed
I'm not feeling it yet. I would be lying if I said I didn't care, but I'm not in a hurry either. I like living things one at the time. I'm not one to want it all, right now. I take things as they come. Pépin has legs and toes, arms, hands, fingers, even nails, eyes, ears, mouth, all its organs... It measures around 7 cm from head to butt or 10 cm from head to heel. Bones are starting to develop. It moves, but only by relfex because the brain is still not fully functional. We talk to Pépin often. We love it so very much already, it's unbelievable. I put the pictures of the u/s in little frames in our bedroom. I can already feel a kind of love I had never felt before, and it's only beginning. It's there, we know it now, and we're patiently waiting.

My boyfriend
My love for him has grown even stronger in the last months. We are now linked by more than our love and respect for each other. The baby seems more real to him, now that he has seen it twice on a screen. He seems to be freely happy too and he doesn't let fear take over anymore. He is so nice and patient with me, which is not always an easy thing. He puts cream on my belly every night, a small gesture I absolutely adore.

Our world
We told my parents and brothers, his parents and brother, my grand-parents, some friends and a part of P's family. A lot of people still have no clue. I don't want to tell my good friends by email, but since we don't see each other very often, I will eventually have to tell them over the phone, unless they learn it when I'm in labor. Two big family reunions are on their way: on my side, my big brother's wedding and on P's side, the annual family gathering. Those two reunions already give me headaches. I mean, I can't wait for my brother's wedding. But I can already ear the stupid comments like "so, you finally found out how to do a baby!" or the same questions over, and over, and over... I am happy to live and share that happiness with my close family (and we're not even that close) but the rest of the family, that's different. I am a private person (yes yes!) and them feeling so involved in this makes me feel as if they entered my intimacy without my consent. I feel uneasy thinking about that, but I know I'm gonna have to get used to it. Just give me some time.

1 comment(s):

Congratulations on the end of the first trimester! Sounds like you are doing great!


By Blogger Susie, at 4:03 PM  

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