Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Sunday, June 26, 2005

The word is out

Yesterday, we were going for dinner at my father's for his birthday. We had decided we were going to announce it to him, his girlfriend, my brothers and sisters in law that night. I have had many years to think about that moment, but I had never let myself do it, afraid it would never come true. But I had thought about how I would announce it. So I wraped a small baby toy in silk paper and I put it on top of a positive hpt* that I had also wraped. At the bottom of the box was a piece of paper on which I had printed the two pictures of the u/s and had written "Hello Grandpa and Grandma!".

So we went for dinner. Everything was going well, we talked, we ate outside, a nice evening. After desert, P told me it was time. I started shaking and there was a big knot in my stomach. This is huge! How can I do that? I was so scared to break the spell by telling them! P took me in his arms and told me sometimes we just had to jump. So I took the little box and placed it on the table, in front of my dad. "This is for you and C too, from P and I."

He opened the box and unwraped the toy. He smiled, did not say a word and continued. He unwraped the test and still did not say a word. He then saw the note and read it out loud. The following moments are a blur, a whirlwind of hugs, kisses, teary eyes, congratulations and happy screams. My SIL was in tears, my father was so happy, my brothrs were smiling and I did not shake anymore. My father told me he got it at the toy, but kept going just to make sure. Everybody had understood just with the toy, but did not say a word.

P then told them the story of this little bugger was not an ordinary one and that the pregnancy was not a surprise. I told my dad and his girlfriend "You knew a part of it, but you didn't" talking to my brothers and SILs. They told me "yes we did, mom told us."** I told them briefly the story of Pépin, the testing, the treatments, the injections, the miscarriage, the IUIs, the dead-end we were at while waiting for our last thing to try, the lap/drilling. We asked them not to tell anyone else just yet. They asked questions, were interested in details like did I feel nauseous, when was the EDD, did we have names in mind. My little brother's girlfriend was looking at my belly, as if expecting it to grow by the minute. It felt really weird talking about that with them. What felt weird were not the words, but how good it felt, how freeing it was. What had been our secret garden for so long was now open to those close to us. And it was not as scary as I thought it would be.

My father told me he would always remember that birthday.
Me too.

* I had ordered 5 hpts this week especially for the occasion. I felt so stupid jumping up and down when I saw the two lines. As if by now I still needed that to reassure me!

** I am really mad at my mom for breaking my trust like that. I always knew she was not really trust-worthy, I knew she had told my grandma, but never thought she would tell my brothers. I am going to announce the pregnancy to her next week, but I think a good talk is needed. When I ask people not to tell secrets, it's not for show. It's for real and I'm mad and sad she did not take it seriously.

2 comment(s):

I'm so happy that you had that wonderful experience telling your family!

It's too bad your mom couldn't keep her word to you. That must have been hard and shocking to find out that she told others. I hope you can work through it with her.

By Anonymous Dooneybug, at 9:56 AM  

I love the telling people part. That was a nice way to tell your Dad.

Your mom definitely needs a good talking to. Hopefully she'll understand.

By Blogger PJ, at 3:16 PM  

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