Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Patience? What patience?

Ok ok so you caught me, I caved! I peed on a stick this morning, too excited after my temp jump. It was negative, but I am only 11 dpo. I know it's not imposible to have a positive test that early, but I know also it is possible to still get one later too. So, I have promised myself not to test again until Friday. I thought I would be good and patient this cycle. Since it was supposed to be a cycle off at first, I thought it would go by real fast. But I thought wrong. The last days are always long. Even if I don't feel as hopeful as I did when we started TTC almost 3 years ago, I have managed to find some pieces of hope left in the basement closet. So here I am, looking at my chart, trying to make something appear with only the strength of my stare, taking note of every twinge and feeling I have in my body. I know better than to listen to my body when it comes to symptoms. It has fooled me so many times before, I won't be fooled again! I am crampy since noon, I felt very nausious last night, there's some pulling down there... But all these signs could also be my period preparing. So I won't get my hopes up, no matter how many people tell me my chart looks good (but thanks!). I want to be surprised, may it be by a positive hpt or by my period. I over analyse everything. For once, I will try to go with the flow. Oh who am I kidding? This is my 9th ovulation in 3 years, I am entitled to some obsessive behavior at the end of the 2ww!

This is just a bonus cycle, since we were supposed to be taking a break. So if it doesn't work out, we won't be losing anything, right? I know we'll get over it, we always have. It won't be anything new. I know what it is when a cycle ends up with a crash. So it should not scare me or make me want to roll in a ball and stay in bed for a week. I know it won't be the end of the world. I will be disappointed, of course, but not devastated. Can you see I'm trying to convince myself here?

So, is it Friday yet?

1 comment(s):

No, it's only Wednesday, but I will keep my fingers crossed, not just for Friday, but for you in general.

By Blogger Jay, at 6:58 PM  

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