Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Friday, January 13, 2006

Belly rubbing

When becoming a mother was still only a dream, when all I could do was try to imagine what it would be like to have a round belly, a few things seemed weird, ridiculous even, to me. One of the most annoying things I found was when a pregnant lady would walk around with a hand constantly on her belly. I hated seeing a woman rub her belly. Was she expecting a genie to come out? Did she want her belly to be extra shiny? Was it really necessary to rub it like that in public, when we all fully understood she was pregnant? We don't need a drawing, we get it alright! Stop thinking about your navel and think about the infertiles around you! Alright I got carried away there...

All that to say that belly rubbing always seemed silly and futile to me. I did not understand it at all. Until I too, had a belly to rub. I realised at around 6 months along that my hand somehow always found its way to my belly, without me noticing. In fact, every time I felt the baby move, I would put my hand where I felt him so I could feel it with my fingers too. I can't control it, I simply love this contact with my baby. Feeling him from the inside is not the same as feeling him with my hand too. I try as much as I can not to rub my belly in public because I know it can annoy people, and I understand why. But sometimes it's as if my fingers were drawn to my belly, by this life moving inside.

I still hate it when women walk around holding their belly though. Look, it's not gonna fall on the floor! Let it be.

I am not rubbing my belly to 'show' I am pregnant or anything like that. I'm pretty sure my big belly and duck walk are enough for people to get the picture. But it feels weird now to understand that part of pregnancy. I had promised myself I would never do that if I ever got pregnant. A gesture I hated when I was still trying has now become spontaneous now that I'm expecting. It's between my baby and me, my way of touching him for now, of communicating with him inside of me. And, as much I hate admitting it, I just love it and will be missing this closeness when he is born.

1 comment(s):

It's amazing how are hands are just drawn there isn't it? I remember when I went back to work after Jamie was born. It was so difficult on so many levels, but what surprised me was how lonely it was, sitting there at my desk all by myself. He had been inside of me keeping me company with his kicks and wiggles for so long, and it made our much-to-early separation all that more poignant.

By Blogger Ally, at 12:40 PM  

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