Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Monday, January 23, 2006

In their eyes

The way people look at us changes throughout pregnancy. And our own reaction to their glances too.

At the beginning, when we are not even showing yet, we expect a lot from other people's eyes. We look at ourselves in the mirror, in our underwear and we see it! Yes yes, it's there, the little bulge! We are so sure we're starting to show (already?) and we rub the little bump lovingly. We will learn later it's only bloating, but for now, we are a little disappointed that people around don't notice yet.

After a couple of months, the little bump becomes a nice curve. We still don't look pregnant, but our waist is not what it used to be. But still... people can't really know there's really a baby in there and not just to much chocolate. Two options: we either stuck our belly in so we don't look too fat or puff it out so we look 'more' pregnant than we actually are. And either way, we just look like we have gained a little weight, not that we carry a baby...

When o when will I look pregnant without having to rub my belly of puff it up so they can see what I have been seeing since the beginning?

When the belly is finally round, when it's obvious for most people than we are pregnant, we notice other people's glances at us. Lots of people turn their head to look at us, as if we were a top model. No, pregnancy did not make me look like Claudia Shiffer, but a round belly sure attracts a lot of attention. Glances full of tenderness, admiration, wonder, envy. Some people even dare talk to us, asking us when we're due, the gender, with a touching interest. It's flattering. We're proud and have the right to be.

When we near the end of the pregnancy, as I am now, the glances change again. People see me as gigantic, their round eyes tell me they know I'm due any day. When I'm walking slowly, feet pointed outward, with my back arched in a funny way, their eyes tell me to go rest, go prepare my bag instead of slowing people down in the mall. People tell me "oh you must be getting close!" ten times a day, thinking they're so clever. They look at me with pity, as if it was a disease to be close to be giving birth. There are still glances full of tenderness, impressed by the thought that my so round belly is like a ripe fruit, ready to give birth to a full grown baby.

I don't mind the glances at all. I find it touching and flattering. What I do mind are the comments. I don't know why exactly, but when you become obviously pregnant, you become something like a touristic attraction or something. People feel like they know you and have the right to ask you all kinds of questions about your pregnancy. They think that because I am myself expecting, I want to know about they're sil's friend who just learned she's expecting a girl. Pregnancy opens doors I did not really want to open. I know a lot of people find pregnant women beautiful and feminine. For mothers and grand-mothers, seeing a belly reminds them of their own pregnancies. For a young girl, it makes her dream of the day she will be pregnant. For an infertile, the sight of a belly is a painful reminder of what she's struggling so hard to acheive. For men, the belly is a mystery, a miracle. I don't mind the admiration and tenderness and wonder at all. People never looked at me that way before and it's gonna all shift to the baby soon.

But for now... you can find me beautiful, you can think I'm huge, you can look at me with pity because it all seems very heavy... but for pete's sake, don't talk to me.

1 comment(s):

I'm getting butterflies just thinking about you. Very excited here in Ottawa!!

By Anonymous Lala, at 11:38 AM  

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