Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Two years ago

Two years ago, my first pregnancy came to an end at only five weeks. Two years ago, my whole wolrd colapsed. I thought I would never be happy again. I thought I would never be a mother. I thought life was insanely unfair to me and I was so angry it hurt.

Two years ago, I never ever thought I would be here today, sitting in my rocking chair, looking at my son sleeping on my lap and feeling so happy. I never thought it would happen so quickly and be so amazing.

Today, I sat there and cried. I cried for that little baby I would never know. But I mostly cried from love for my son. With him, I get to rediscover everything, I get to be amazed by falling snow, by Christmas lights and passing cars. My heart burst with pride and love every time he stands up, every time he takes a little Cherrio between his fingers, every time he smiles at me, every time I wipe his nose, every time I nurse him, every time he drinks a bottle, every time he plays, every time he looks at me.

I will never forget the pain and emptiness I felt on that day, two years ago. But I don't feel it anymore. And as long as I can look into my son's eyes, I don't think I will ever feel it again.