Eggs, shots and rock n roll

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Back where I didn't want to go

After 10 days of Megestrol and 7 days of waiting, my period finally came. I then started taking Serophene, 150mg this time. I had my scan last Friday. When I entered the office, my dr asked me if I thought it had worked. He was a little surprised when I told him no. It was true though, I didn't believe in Serophene, for me, in the first place. It has never worked for me, why would it start to work suddenly?

One quick glance at the black and white screen and he told me I was right. Once again, no mature follicle. I asked, almost begged, for Femara, but he wouldn't change his mind. He said if anything should happen, he would be held responsible and could lose his license. I find it frustrating, but understandable.

So... we're back to injectibles. I thought I would never have to go back there. I thought that when we found out Femara worked fine for me, when combined with Metformin, I would never have to do injectibles and exhausting cycles again. But no. Because of H e a l t h Canada, that road is closed for me. For now.

We called our insurance company yesterday and they cover parts of the cost of fertility meds, so at least there's that. I don't think we're gonna do this for long though. Next time I see him, I will ask my dr to try Tamoxiphen and for him to have an appointment for a laparoscopy with an ovarian drilling, as I was supposed to have before getting pregnant with Félix.

I'm disappointed and frustrated. Friday nigh, we had our in-laws for dinner for Mother's Day. I didn't feel like celebrating at all. I just wanted to roll up in a ball in my bed and cry. I'm ok now, but still a little disappointed. I have to focus on the fact that although I hate injectibles, they DO make me ovulate. The last time I ovulated was 2 years ago (almost to the day), the one that gave us Félix. It's about time we have another chance.

I am everyday grateful to already be a mother. Every day, I thank the sky for this little boy in my life. I know I'm luckier than too many women still waiting for their turn. I know it's hard, when you don't have a child at all, to hear a mother complain that it's taking too long to conceive number 2. My heart may be filled with love for my son, but a part of me still feels empty. I want more. It may be greedy, I don't care. I love my son so much, I want another one just like him.

My next cycle will be starting around May 31. Two weeks before I turn 30. Let's hope my birthday brings me luck.


Friday, May 04, 2007

My boyfriend's belly

P went to a grastrointestinal specialist last week. He has always been very "sensitive" in that area. We always thought he had an irritable colon. He watched closely what he ate and was able to control it. But he dreamed of a day where he could eat anything... Then, about 3 years ago, he was so sick and it hurt so bad that we went to the emergency. The dr there didn't know what was wrong, but told him to go see a specialist. Health System being what it is here (very slow) he was never able to find a specialist who would see him. It didn't hurt anymore, so he gave up. He has had a few bad episodes since then, but nothing bad enough to go back to the ER. But for the last 5 months, he's been having a lot of pain every morning, cramping, moaning, going 50 times to the bathroom only to see blood and mucus come out. He had enough.

Last week, with a collegue's contact, he finally got to see a dr. It took 3 days and he had a colonoscopy done in a private clinic.

Diagnosis: Crohn's colitis, or Crohn's disease. Not what we had hoped for, but could be worst. This means he will never be able to eat what he wants. This also means he could have a lot of meds to take for the rest of his life and could need surgery some day. It's not the end of the world, but it's not a happy diagnosis either.

Going to the bathroom several times a day, having cramps all the time, being sick whenever he ate something different (lots of fun at partys and restaurants), it was all normal for him, but he never thought it would always be that way. He had always imagined there would be a cure somewhere along the way.

I think that the loss of hope has hurt him more than he thought it would. It's good, in a way, to finally know what's wrong with him. But it hurts to know it will never go away.