We're back and in love!
We got back from the hospital this afternoon, our hands and hearts full of love. Our son Félix was born Saturday morning, 46 minutes past midnight. Things went mostly well, we're all doing fine and so happy, I can't even begin to express it.
Here is our long awaited son. I present him to you in images before I have the time to do it in words.
Getting so close
When I got to the hospital, they put me on a bed with the monitoring on my belly. I was very surprised to learn that I was having contractions. I did not feel them at all. After about an hour, the dr came in and put the gel on my cervix. I then had to lie for another hour. The contractions were different. They came more often, I could feel them, but they still didn't hurt and were not regular at all.
We go back tomorrow morning. If my cervix is still closed, they will put some more gel. If my cervix is open enough, they will break my water and induce labor. The nurse said I would be having my baby tomorrow. I'll believe it when I see it! But I am very anxious and excited.
If I'm not back before tomorrow night, that means I'm having my baby. Wow, so weird to say that... I'm having my baby...
From dad to son
P received a package in the mail. I had no idea what it was.
He had bought a gift for his son.
I'm not a big fan of Metallica, but I still think this is adorable.
The end is near
I had another appointment yesterday. I think it might have been the last one. I was still hoping for some progress, even though I still haven't had any contraction whatsoever.
Well... nothing has moved! The baby is a little lower, but that's it! Since my Dr considers me past my due date (the 21st), he thinks it's time we help things move along a little bit. I am ready and willing to try some things, so I said alright. So tomorrow, I'm going to the hospital where they will put a gelly on my cervix to help it soften and open. My Dr told me it could start labor during the night, but it wasn't a sure thing. Depending on how things go, I might go back on Friday morning for another intervention (more gelly or a stripping) or to give birth.
At first, I didn't like the idea of getting induced. It took so much medical stuff just to get pregnant, I wanted the least medical interventions as possible during pregnancy (while still giving birth at the hospital). But today, I'm a little more open to some interventions. When I think that this weekend, I might be holding my baby in my arms, I care a lot less about that stuff. Of course, I still would love to go through most of the labor at home and leave for the hospital as late as possible. But I know it might not have happened that way anyway. So I'm going with the flow with one thing in mind: I'm going to meet my baby very soon.
In their eyes
The way people look at us changes throughout pregnancy. And our own reaction to their glances too.
At the beginning, when we are not even showing yet, we expect a lot from other people's eyes. We look at ourselves in the mirror, in our underwear and we see it! Yes yes, it's there, the little bulge! We are so sure we're starting to show (already?) and we rub the little bump lovingly. We will learn later it's only bloating, but for now, we are a little disappointed that people around don't notice yet.
After a couple of months, the little bump becomes a nice curve. We still don't look pregnant, but our waist is not what it used to be. But still... people can't really know there's really a baby in there and not just to much chocolate. Two options: we either stuck our belly in so we don't look too fat or puff it out so we look 'more' pregnant than we actually are. And either way, we just look like we have gained a little weight, not that we carry a baby...
When o when will I look pregnant without having to rub my belly of puff it up so they can see what I have been seeing since the beginning?
When the belly is finally round, when it's obvious for most people than we are pregnant, we notice other people's glances at us. Lots of people turn their head to look at us, as if we were a top model. No, pregnancy did not make me look like Claudia Shiffer, but a round belly sure attracts a lot of attention. Glances full of tenderness, admiration, wonder, envy. Some people even dare talk to us, asking us when we're due, the gender, with a touching interest. It's flattering. We're proud and have the right to be.
When we near the end of the pregnancy, as I am now, the glances change again. People see me as gigantic, their round eyes tell me they know I'm due any day. When I'm walking slowly, feet pointed outward, with my back arched in a funny way, their eyes tell me to go rest, go prepare my bag instead of slowing people down in the mall. People tell me "oh you must be getting close!" ten times a day, thinking they're so clever. They look at me with pity, as if it was a disease to be close to be giving birth. There are still glances full of tenderness, impressed by the thought that my so round belly is like a ripe fruit, ready to give birth to a full grown baby.
I don't mind the glances at all. I find it touching and flattering. What I do mind are the comments. I don't know why exactly, but when you become obviously pregnant, you become something like a touristic attraction or something. People feel like they know you and have the right to ask you all kinds of questions about your pregnancy. They think that because I am myself expecting, I want to know about they're sil's friend who just learned she's expecting a girl. Pregnancy opens doors I did not really want to open. I know a lot of people find pregnant women beautiful and feminine. For mothers and grand-mothers, seeing a belly reminds them of their own pregnancies. For a young girl, it makes her dream of the day she will be pregnant. For an infertile, the sight of a belly is a painful reminder of what she's struggling so hard to acheive. For men, the belly is a mystery, a miracle. I don't mind the admiration and tenderness and wonder at all. People never looked at me that way before and it's gonna all shift to the baby soon.
But for now... you can find me beautiful, you can think I'm huge, you can look at me with pity because it all seems very heavy... but for pete's sake, don't talk to me.
I'm scared, but I'm ready
They say every woman is afraid, at one time or the other, to become a mother. I know I am afraid, since the beginning of the pregnancy. My fears have changed, evolved throughout the months. I don't have the same fears now than I did back at 5 weeks, 10, 20 weeks... Right now, I am mostly afraid of becoming a mom for real and what it involves.
Labor and delivery
I imagine every woman is, at one point, afraid of labor. It's unknown, we can't help it. When I don't know something and can't really practice, I turn to information. They say knowledge is power, so I read and ask around. I have asked tons of questions, read tons of birth stories, read books and brochures and notes. I listened carefully during child-birth class. I did some visualisation every night. I stretched my imagination as far as I could, visualising every possible situation and reaction, trying to anticipate how I would go through them. And I know perfectly well that no matter how much I think about it, no matter how much I stretch my imagination, once the moment comes, it's not gonna be anything like what I visualised. I try my darndest to imagine the worst pain I could feel, I am still convinced that when the real deal comes, I will find it far worse.
But other than pain, I am afraid that things won't go as I want them to. I am afraid something goes wrong, I am afraid of having a c-section. Even if I know lots of women go through that, I am more fearful of the c-section than of labor and delivery. Having as much a natural birth as I can is important for me and I know I would be very disappointed if I had to go under the knife. Of course, the baby's health and mine are what's important. I'm sure I would get over it. But it still would be a big dream I would have to give up. Just the thought of not being able to hold my baby right after birth gives me shivers...
My biggest fear of all, is that the baby is not healthy. And there's nothing I can do to minimize this fear, to prepare myself. My imagination is not flexible enough.
Becoming a mother
You can't learn that in books, that's a well known fact. I still read a lot, trying to learn what I could. I don't think that because I babysat some kids when I was young has prepared me in any way to become a mother. So what, I know how to give a bath, how to change a diaper, how to put on clothes. I know the technical little things. There is so much more to being a mother than to clean the baby. And I'm afraid I won't know how to be a mother. Well, I know I won't know how, I'm really afraid I won't be able to learn. I'm afraid that I won't know what decision to make, that I won't be able to manage everything. I am afraid of repeating my mother's mistakes. I'm afraid my kid won't think I'm cool. I know life won't be all pink and light. I know I'll be tired and cranky and that it won't be easy at all. I'm just afraid I won't be a good mom.
Our couple
We've been together for almost 10 years. We've been through a lot together. What didn't kill us made us stronger, right? The years of infertility indeed made us stronger, as persons, and as a couple. I know we are strong together. But a child changes the dynamics of a couple. I have a very small fear our couple will change too much, but I'm pretty sure we'll adapt and survive. I am afraid we might forget ourselves from time to time. I am not afraid we might break up, I trust the strength of our bond and of our love. I'm just afraid of change because I don't know what to expect.
My body
Throughout pregnancy, my body has changed. I did my best to stay fit, not gain too much weight and stay healthy. I've been so lucky to have such a perfect pregnancy. Of course, time has caught up with me. My ankles are swollen, my back is aching, my belly is heavy. I don't feel sexy at all. At 6 months, I felt so beautiful, I don't think I ever felt so feminine and pretty in all my life. And now, I just feel ugly and puffy. I know my body won't ever be the same after giving birth. I am afraid not to be able to lose the extra weight. I am afraid not to be able to take care of myself as I did before and not to feel sexy again. These fears really are superficial, but I've always felt better inside when I felt good outside.
Family
A stupid fear, but a fear nonetheless, fear of the visiting family. I am so afraid they will be here all the time, knocking on our door without calling first. I am afraid they will be sticking around when all we want to do is sleep or breastfeed in peace. I am afraid we won't be able to tell them to leave. I already can hear the comments and advices "you should do this" and "you'll see..." I am aware this is the first abby of the family and I don't want to deprive them of the joy of seeing him. I'm just afraid we won't be able to draw the line and say it's enough. And most of all, I am afraid they won't believe in our ability to be parents.
I might seem full of anguish and fears, but I am not. These fears come and go, they're not there all the time. I would go crazy. But for me, to aknowledge a fear is to prepare for it. They don't keep me from sleeping or anything, I just like to think about them and how to overcome them now, with a rested mind. I am zen. I am ready. Oh so ready.
Updates
I had another appointment on Tuesday, with my regular Dr this time, thank God. I had little hope things would have moved, since I've had no contractions, false or real. I was right. My cervix is still softened at 50% and not dialated one bit. The baby is still very high (although he is head down, whew!). I know sometimes it can go real fast, but it doesn't look that way to me right now.
Someone had told me her RE had told her Femara babies were smaller. So I asked my Dr about it and if he could say if I would have a small or a big baby. He said I would not have a typical Femara baby because he predicts a good 8 pounds baby.
Everything is fine. I haven't gained weight since last week (finally!). I'm up to 35 pounds, it's about time I stopped gaining. Heartbeat is strong, belly at 37 cm, blood pressure is fine too. I really have nothing to complain about (not that I would anyway).
I've always had trouble at the clinic with my EDD. Depending on the nurse, it would move one week. Some nurses use the EDD from my last period (which would be January 21) and others use the one from my u/s (which would be January 27, the same as with my ovulation, so it's the one I use). Last Tuesday, she used the first one. That means when I go back next week, I'm gonna be overdue. I don't see myself that way yet, because I've always used the 27 as my date. But the dr told me about inducing labor the week after that if nothing had moved. I don't want that. Well of course, if the baby's in danger and all, ok. But I would really love to be able to start on my own, at home if possible. Don't we all dream it happens like in the movies? One minute P and I are talking and the next minute "oh honey! I think this is it!"
I can't wait to see my baby, but I don't want to rush things. I know that in no more than 2 weeks, I'll be holding him in my arms. Two weeks, that's nothing compared to 3 years, so I won't be losing patience now.
-----Update on my friend Nathalie-----
Well, she won't be keeping the baby. I'm really sad about it, but there's nothing I can do except be her friend.
Weird habits
There are some habits that stay with us for a long time, without us always noticing. Infertility has changed my life and given me a few habits, good and bad. Like the one where I feel like crap every time someone tells me about an oops pregnancy. There is also one I find pretty funny...
The other day, I was talking to my sil and I said "If one day we have children..." She looked at me kind of funny and said "well, it's gonna happen soon you know..." while poiting at my big belly. Oh! Right!
I had always spoken with a big IF. I never dared going further than the IF. I think it's time I get rid of this habit. It seems it's no longer a question of IF but of WHEN...
wow...!
Belly rubbing
When becoming a mother was still only a dream, when all I could do was try to imagine what it would be like to have a round belly, a few things seemed weird, ridiculous even, to me. One of the most annoying things I found was when a pregnant lady would walk around with a hand constantly on her belly. I hated seeing a woman rub her belly. Was she expecting a genie to come out? Did she want her belly to be extra shiny? Was it really necessary to rub it like that in public, when we all fully understood she was pregnant? We don't need a drawing, we get it alright! Stop thinking about your navel and think about the infertiles around you! Alright I got carried away there...
All that to say that belly rubbing always seemed silly and futile to me. I did not understand it at all. Until I too, had a belly to rub. I realised at around 6 months along that my hand somehow always found its way to my belly, without me noticing. In fact, every time I felt the baby move, I would put my hand where I felt him so I could feel it with my fingers too. I can't control it, I simply love this contact with my baby. Feeling him from the inside is not the same as feeling him with my hand too. I try as much as I can not to rub my belly in public because I know it can annoy people, and I understand why. But sometimes it's as if my fingers were drawn to my belly, by this life moving inside.
I still hate it when women walk around holding their belly though. Look, it's not gonna fall on the floor! Let it be.
I am not rubbing my belly to 'show' I am pregnant or anything like that. I'm pretty sure my big belly and duck walk are enough for people to get the picture. But it feels weird now to understand that part of pregnancy. I had promised myself I would never do that if I ever got pregnant. A gesture I hated when I was still trying has now become spontaneous now that I'm expecting. It's between my baby and me, my way of touching him for now, of communicating with him inside of me. And, as much I hate admitting it, I just love it and will be missing this closeness when he is born.
Another friend
I have another friend, Nathalie, who's completely different from Paty. We've been friends since high school too. If I compare Paty and Nathalie... I have one example, to show you how well Nathalie listens compared to Paty. They both knew we were TTC, taking fertility drugs and all that. When I finally decided to tell them I was pregnant, I just took them to my bedroom (seperatly), telling them I had to show them something. I then showed them the picture of my first u/s on the wall. Paty looked at the picture for a good 2 minutes with no reaction. She had to read the tiny character (my name!) to get it. She said she thought I had put pictures of someone's u/s on my wall and she didn't understand why. Uh... yeah, why would an infertile put someone else's baby pictures on her wall, tell me??
Nathalie looked at the picture for a quarter of a second before jumping up and screaming and laughing. She got it right away. She just remembered, you know, that we had been TTC for 3 years.
She's been with her boyfriend for 2 years and has wanted babies forever, but him being Lebanese make things a little more difficult. They would have to get married before having kids, which in itself, is not such a difficult thing to do. But Nathalie just started her own business, is still living with her parents, wanted to live in an appartment on her own before moving in with him, well, you get the picture. Just not the right time. She told me 6 months ago that she thought maybe she had a fertility problem. She said they were not trying, but not really being careful either. It had been more than a year and nothing. I told her the usual crap: a healthy couple has 25% chances blah blah blah on ovulation day blah blah.
So yesterday, I was talking with her on Messenger. She asked me "Should being 8 days late worry me?" Wow, 8 days late, I didn't think such a thing existed! I would have peed on a thousand sticks by then! I told her she should do a hpt, just to make sure. It happens to be late for no specific reason, but most of the time, for normal people, it means one thing. She was scared, because of how her boyfriend's family would react. She was scared he wouldn't want to keep it. I asked her how she was feeling. She told me she was crying all the time, because she would want to keep the baby, but it was so not the right time. I asked her how she felt physically. She said she had had some spotting last week (I told her about implantation spotting) and that her boobs were huge and how tired she felt... I told her "you know, sometimes our own body plays tricks on us. But sometimes, it also tries to tell us something. There's no real way of knowing, except POAS..." She asked me how much longer would I be online (it was late), so I told her I would wait for her if she wanted me to. She said yes, please. So I waited while she peed on the stick and waited for the result.
She came back online and told me she was pregnant. The most surprising thing is, I didn't feel anything bad as I usually do. I was almost immediately happy for her, even though I knew it wouldn't be easy. Maybe because she's been a better listener, maybe because in some way she understood a piece of what we went through... Maybe just because she told me right away, I don't know. I just know that I didn't think about my own feelings at all. And it felt great.
She was going to tell her boyfriend this morning. I hope it goes well. I'm going to see her this afternoon.
-----Update on Paty-----
I told you I had sent her a card on New Year's and one on her birthday. I received a email telling me she saw the first one on Jan. 2nd and another email telling me she saw the other one on Jan. 6th. Well, she sent me a card too, on the 9th. The same card I had sent her, saying Happy birthday... And saying "Thanks for the 2 cards... I just received them. Let's just say I've been very busy and on top of things, I've been to the hospital for 2 days with a stomach flu (dehydrated and all that). Happy New Year with your family and enjoy what life gives you."
Why did she write she just saw the cards? Why more bullshit? Doesn't she know I can see when she reads the cards? Anyway, enough said about her. Subject closed.
An old friend
I have this friend, Paty (the one who lost her father back in September) whom I've been friends with for a long time. But our friendship has always been a weird one. Sometimes we could spend 2, 3 months without calling each other and that was normal. We have our lives, we don't really mind and get mad. It's just how it goes with her. Anyway, every time I talk to her, it's always to talk about her. You know, the kind of person who always manages to turn a conversation on herself? It's always about her, no matter what the subject is. If it's not about her directly, it's someone she knows, or something she heard... It can never me about ME with her. As an example, when I told her I was pregnant, she told me one of her co-workers was pregnant too (I don't even know her!). And when I told her I had miscarried before, she told me about another co-worker, about her cousn, her mailman's sil... Look, I don't care about those people, I don't know them! I'm telling you about me now! Also, it's always worse with her. She always has all those problems, you know, that *nobody else* ever has. If you read Dilbert, you can say she's a little like Topper. She doesn't know how to listen and it's very frustrating. Why would I be friends with such a person, you might ask? I'm not quite sure. She is a nice person. We spent a lot of time together during high school, mostly because she was the only one of my friends who lived close to my home. It might sound harsh, but she was kind of a habit...
Anywho... In September, she lost her dad. We talked on the phone after the funeral and that was it. I hadn't spoken to her in two months, so one night in November I wrote on my calendar "call Paty". The next day, I received an email from her (how weird!). She was saying "I am writing to you to know how you're doing and also because I have good news to tell you. I wanted to know if you were there tomorrow so I could call you. If it's ok, write to me and we'll talk tomorrow."
I'm not stupid. I can read between the lines. Her email told me two things: she wanted to tell me about a pregnancy and she didn't have the guts to do so (wth? I want to know if you're there tomorrow... just call damn it! It's not a long distance! Worse case, you'll get the machine!). I answered her email, telling her that if her news had anything to do with a pregnancy, I'd rather learn about it by email so I could live whatever I needed to live emotionally by myself. I always do that, it's just a way of protecting myself and of avoiding to fake a smile and happiness when all I want to do is cry or scream. My friends understand that and it's nothing new. One more reason I felt her email was somehow phony.
She wrote back the day after, telling me I had guessed right. She was over 3 months pregnant. Even if I was expecting it, it hurt. You know, kind of like when you expect a slap in the face. No matter how much you prepare for it, when you get hit, it still hurts. Of course, this being a oops-baby didn't help at all. I thought about this news all day long, and all night. I was surprised by how much it affected me, even if I was happily pregnant. I never know how I will react, and this time, it was really unexpected.
The next day, I went to get my hair cut. Paty and I have the same hairdresser, we used to go together. So the hairdresser and I talked about Paty, of course. It turned out she knew about her pregnancy almost since the beginning and not because Paty had told her, but becasue another friend of Paty did! That really was a slap in the face. I knew we weren't exactly best friends lately, but I never thought she would tell the whole world before telling me! That really hurt me.
I thought about what I would tell her for a couple of days. I thought it through and through, not wanting to lose this friendship after all. When I wrote back to her, I told her exactly how I felt. I always thought truth was there to be told, and that my friends deserve honnesty. I told her I was very hurt she did not tell me before and did not trust my friendship. I know I'm sometimes hard to follow. I know fertile people don't usually *get* how we can feel about these types of things. I know it's very sensitive and she must not have known how to tell me without hurting my feelings. I know all that. Even if I am pregnant, thinking about all that just reminded me how hard getting there was for us. It made all sorts of bad feelings come back to the surface, when I thought they were burried very deep. I may be the happiest woman on earth, rubbing my belly and enjoying every kick from my boy, it still doens't give us back the months and years we have lost, crying, hoping and raging. And I was, in fact, happy for her, even if this baby was not planed, I knew she wanted kids.
So I told her I did not actually want to share our pregnancies. I didn't feel like talking about onesies and cribs and morning sickness with her. I told her I wanted to know the details of her progression, but via email, at least for then. She wanted to do something before the holidays (this was at the end of November) and I told her the truth: I did not think it could be possible, since all my weekends were booked and I was swamped with work. I even told her "unless my Mom has organised a surprise shower for me, I don't think it'll be possible to see each other before the New Year." And it was true, it wasn't because I didn't want to see her (ok, maybe just a tiny little bit). She was on the guest list I had given my Mom for the shower. My Mom knows her very well too, so there was no doubt in my mind she was invited, if there were to be a shower.
Overall, my long email was very clear, sincere and sensitive. I wasn't rude at all, I didn't blame her for not having the courage to tell me before, even though it hurt me. I told her I was happy for her, I asked questions, asked how her Mom was doing. I thought she would understand, at least a bit.
She wrote back a few days later with a very short email. "If it took me some time to tell you, it's because I knew it would hurt you a little. And since I thought it would be better to tell you in person, I was waiting to have the time to tell you, which I haven't had."
Wtf?? I didn't have the time?! What sort of a lame excuse is that? The only thing that came to my mind after reading her email was: bullshit!! Did she really think I would beleive her bogus reasons? She's working part-time at a drug-store, she has no kids... No time? Who doesn't have 5 minutes to spare for a (supposedly) good friend? What she lacked was not time, but courage. And respect for me.
I had tried. I had written a long email, stepped on my pride and my hurt feelings to ask about her pregnancy. I could just have shut her out right then and there. But no, I thought she was worth at least a try. She didn't even consider our friendship one minute. All she wanted to do was clean her conscience. She just could have told me the truth: I did not know how to tell you, I didn't have the courage to tell you because I knew it would hurt you. I would have understood and respected this! But I didn't have the time?! No.
So when my baby-shower came, I was a little anxious. I didn't know how I would react when I saw her. But I felt it would be easier this way, with lots of people around, no time to be personnal. Well, she didn't even show up! Not only that, but she didn't even have the decency to call my Mom, who was expecting her to be there. All my friends asked me "Why isn't Paty here?" and I didn't have the heart to say anything else than "I don't know." She knew how important that day was for me.
I didn't answer her last email. I didn't call her. I sent her a card on New Year's and one on her birthday, which is today. That's the most I can do now. I don't even want to make efforts anymore for her friendship. If mine isn't even worth 5 minutes for her, why would I lose time trying to keep her as a friend? I gave enough.
The grass
is not always greener on the other side of the fence
I missed my 34 weeks appointment because of the car accident. I had to make a new appointment last week, but unfortunately, my dr was not available. I don't really mind seeing another dr, since these appointments are usually short and more routine than anything. But my dr is the one who followed me for 2 years in infertility treatments. He knows us, knows where we come from. He might not be the more smiling person, but now I know I was very lucky to have him.
The new dr did not say anything and seemed in a hurry. I know we're in the middle of the holidays and it probably pissed him off to have to work, but hey, it's not my problem. I almost felt like I was bothering him! I'm not a number, I'm a pregnant woman. Is it that much to ask to be treated as a human being? In the middle of my pregnancy, I didn't really have questions or worries. The appointments didn't feel as important as they do now that I'm almost due. I'm at the end of my pregnancy, the pregnancy we took 3 years to acheive. I want details. I want time. I want consideration.
I had to ask him for every detail and he didn't give half of them. We listened to the heartbeat... or did we? It lasted only 3 seconds! He checked my cervix but didn't say a word. I was so mad I didn't ask (and I regret it). My guess is he would have told me if something had change... but I'm not sure... He couldn't say if the baby's head was down, so he said "put your pants back on and let's go to the u/s room." And he opens the door! Hey buddy! I'm butt-naked here, do you mind?! I had the time to put my panty back on before he opens the door again and says "come on, hurry up!" in a very rude manner. I was furious!
I laid on the u/s table. He put gel on my belly and put the wand on. If I had blinked, I would have missed everything! In fact, I did miss everything! It was so fast, I'm not even sure he saw something on the screen. Anyway, he said the head was down, come back in 2 weeks, and he left. Positively the worse dr I met in my life!
I have questions, things I want to know, now that labor is soon approaching. I always liked to know every detail (what inferile doesn't?) like the size of my uterus, is my cervix dilated? Softened? Is the baby big or small? I got out of there so frustrated and disappinted. And the worse in all that, is that I have no choice but to see him again in two weeks. I sincerely hope it was just a bad day and he's not usually that rude. If he is the same, then I'll ask for someone else. I won't ever live the end of this pregnancy ever again. I don't want him to ruin it for me. It's too important.
Happy New Year!
On this first day of 2006, my wishes go to...
To everybody who has lost someone special, I wish peace and serenity. May this year bring you the closure you need to come at peace with your loss and remember only the good things about your loved one.
To every infertile, I wish strength and courage. May this year make your dream come true. A healthy pregnancy to those still waiting for the positive beta. A healthy baby for those already blessed with a pregnancy. A quick process for those going through adoption. I wish with all my heart that every one of you gets what you desire this year.
And to everyone, everywhere, I wish health, love, happiness and success in every aspects of your life. Be happy, smile, savour every day like champagne. Eat life.
Have a happy and wonderful 2006 everyone!
